Hard To Handle
by l-Link-l
Summary: Brazen Love. Jason and Brenda have to learn to live with the decision they've made and they find they need each other more than they knew.
1. You Make Me Sick

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, they're all property of their respective owners and I mean no infringement, etc. I have no money so don't sue. _Please do not take any part or portion of my writing_. If you would like to ask me about it, contact me at taurusgirl1224@yahoo.com.  


This is an alternate universe, obviously, because soaps move so fast there would be no way to keep up with most of anything. I will try to throw in things if they fit with the way this story is going and they're major changes I'd like to use. The relative timeline is this story would start about now; a few weeks after Jason and Brenda's marriage. And sorry Journey fans: Mrs. Stripper Quartermaine doesn't exist here. Well, maybe she moved to Manhattan with her loving husband, who knows. She ain't here. And that's the end of that chapter. :)

I really live off reviews and probably wouldn't keep writing if no one was reading so I would appreciate your feedback. If your sole goal is to blast or flame, though, don't bother. Don't you have something better to do with your time? Plant a tree. :)

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Hard to Handle

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You Make Me Sick

Brenda stared out the window that looked at the water. She wished she could just go to her cottage but there were so many memories there. It was best to stay cool and detached, here, in Jason's apartment. He was across the hall with Sonny at the moment, talking about what to do next.

Luis said he would leave her alone if she made up her mind. He talked and talked to her about keeping her from hurting the people she loved, taking care of her and never leaving her side. He almost turned her mind to believe him. But something had stopped her from going with him; she had thought of Jax, bleeding in her arms. She knew she would never be able to look at Luis any other way than the way she saw him pointing that gun at Jax.

So she had told him no, of sound mind and calm tone. And he hadn't accepted that. Luis had grabbed her, he had growled something to her but it was all running together and his grip was biting into her skin. She thought he just might kill her. He had taken her to some warehouse and chained her down. Instead of being so cool and collected as he usually was, calling his jet to be brought at once, he had nearly lost it, telling her he would never let her go. Days past as she sit in wait to see if he had really gone off the deep end. Maybe he would kill her. She just didn't know anymore.

At some point, Sonny's guards had found them in the warehouse. They took Luis away and she was glad, even though she knew what they were going to do. Sonny had appeared just as one of his other guards helped her out and by the look in his eyes, she knew he was going to kill Luis.

Now she was back in the penthouse. Her arms were still bruised as she hugged herself, waiting in the silent room. She wasn't sure what for. What was she doing in Port Charles? She could be on a plane that evening. She could ask Jason just to take her to the clinic in Europe and simply leave her. It would probably help a lot of people. But her heart was crying to her to stay.

The water was calm; she mildly snickered to herself. Sometimes she wished if the sickness would just hurry up and kill her, all her problems would be over with.

The door opened and she turned to see Jason slowly enter before facing the window again. His footsteps came closer until he was near and he waited. The silence dragged out but she couldn't stop the tear that escaped her eye and slid down her face.

Jason's gaze found the ground. "I'm sorry."

Brenda absently wiped her face and tried to casually straighten herself. "For what?"

He looked at her then, trying to look strong in front of him after she had been assaulted by that sociopath Alcazar. She was always doing that. He used to think it was just being stubborn but he was seeing it now as something else. It was a defense mechanism and it probably worked on most people. But he could see right through it.

"For not being here. To protect you," he clarified his apology.

Brenda shrugged and he knew it probably didn't bother her because they didn't mean a great deal to each other. But it was his job and he had failed. It meant something to him.

He noticed the bruises on her arms and carefully pulled them apart to take a closer look. It made her face him and she acted bored with his inspection of her injuries. He found a light gash on the outer side of her left arm and dried blood that she must not have noticed during the struggle.

Jason walked away and returned with a first aide kit, settling on the couch.

"Come here," he instructed as he emptied the kit.

"I'm fine," she nearly rolled her eyes, wanting to be left alone.

"I said come here," Jason repeated firmly. She exhaled loudly and went to the couch, letting him take her arm and turn it to clean the blood. They sat in silence as he cleared all the blood away.

Brenda studied him as he worked; he was trying to fix it. He had messed up and that bothered him.

"Did they kill him?" she murmured suddenly and Jason looked up to meet her eyes. Her expression was curious but he couldn't read it more than that.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, simply.

She looked down, away from his clear, penetrating eyes. He was asking. She knew he wanted a 'yes' or 'no' but she didn't know what to say. She couldn't make decisions about someone's life like that.

Brenda gently shook her head and murmured, "I don't know."

He had gone back to bandage the wound, setting one over the gash. He knew she would say that. Brenda would not kill someone if she had the chance; even someone as terrible as Luis Alcazar. That's why he and Sonny were there.

Jason had finished her bandage and sat back a little. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"I don't think so," she murmured.

He nodded and stood. "You should go to sleep."

Brenda looked up at him and knew where he was going. He was going to finish Luis. She nodded to appease him and he left the apartment. The silence left behind hung heavy in the air and she knew she would not get a moment of sleep that night.

Jason carefully shut the door behind himself in the pitch black penthouse. It had been hours since he left. He and two other guards of Sonny's drove Alcazar far out of town. Sonny called while they were out; he said Marco could hear Brenda hadn't stopped crying all night.

"What, over Alcazar?" Jason had asked with disgust.

"No," Sonny replied. Sonny knew it wasn't over Alcazar; she was probably lost now. She wouldn't know what to do without that one pillar she had used to fall back on for the past four years. Sonny had wanted to go himself; it was only a few steps across the hall; but he knew he couldn't. So he called Jason. Jason had to be that pillar for Brenda now.

"Look, who knows why she's upset? You should get back, though," Sonny went on, casually. Jason agreed and he left the guards to finish Alcazar, ordering there to be no mistakes - one shot to the head to finish him.

On his way back he had gone over what the future held. Their problems weren't over with the end of Alcazar. He was sure to have friends who would begin asking questions, possibly seek revenge for the money they would lose from Alcazar no longer supplying arms. But that had to wait to worry about later, if it ever came. The immediate threat was finally gone.

Making sure his shoes made no noise, he cautiously stepped up the stairs. He saw the guest room door was ajar which was unusual; Brenda usually shut and locked her door. He edged it open to peek inside and he found the dark room quiet. Seeing the bed, he found it was empty.

Jason quickly came to attention and his eyes scanned the room. She was not there. He turned and rushed to his own room, just to check, and found that was empty as well.

Jason came down the steps, knowing she had to be in the house somewhere. At least, he hoped as much. Even though Alcazar was gone, there were still the other possible threats. Anything could happen.

As he glanced aside he stopped suddenly, seeing a figure in the corner of the living room. Quietly, he came down the stair and walked behind the pool table to see her sitting upon the floor. She was slumped against the wall near the window, her body leaning into the wall, holding her upright.

She slept lightly, as though by accident. While she looked peaceful, her position sitting looked uncomfortable and he knew he couldn't leave her on the floor there.

Jason knelt next to her and murmured as he touched her arm, "Brenda."

She woke with a bit of surprise but his heavy hand on her arm was there to steady and calm her. When she saw it was him, composed as always, her heart stopped its fearful pounding.

Jason stood and helped her sleepily get to her own feet. She started to slowly walk, her eyes heavy and the sleep still upon her, and Jason sighed as he watched her sluggishly move. She probably had not slept in days. Luis had held her in the warehouse for three days and he was sure she had probably been on her guard the entire time.

"I'm going to help you," he cautioned before he reached forth and lifted her in his arms.

With delayed response she made a sound of, "Mmm?" after he had set her up and was already carefully ascending the stairs. Her heavy head was dropping to rest on his shoulder when he came into the guest room and lay her down upon the bed. She rolled into the pillow immediately and uttered no other sound. She was fast asleep.

Jason shook his head a little at the ease with which she fell into sleep. She was now truly peaceful in her slumber. He turned and let her be, silently closing the door behind himself.

Brenda pushed the food on her plate as she sat in the living room, eating at the coffee table. She glanced at Jason at his desk as he worked and the thunder from the storm outside echoed in the silence of the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked and his head came up slightly.

"You asked me that five minutes ago."

"Yeah, that was five minutes ago; I thought you might be doing something else."

"I'm not."

"Still balancing the books," she murmured, sliding the potatoes on her plate from one side to the other. She set her fork down with a heavy exhale. "Can we please go somewhere?"

"Go somewhere?" he repeated with indifference.

"Can we go to the movies?"

"No."

"What about to eat somewhere?"

"You just ate," he muttered, never raising his head.

"Let's go to a museum or something."

"No."

"Let's take a walk!"

"It's raining."

Brenda stood with frustration. "I'm going crazy in here! I've been in this penthouse for nearly a week straight without getting out. I do nothing all day but play pool and stare outside at all the other people who can walk around like normal human beings! You have no television or anything that can keep me occupied. What am I supposed to do all day?"

"I don't care!" he snapped.

Brenda glared at him as he ignored her and went about his work.

Fine.

He noticed vaguely that she stormed upstairs but that was all the thought he gave to it. Time past; half an hour; until he heard her again. Her steps were heavy and he could tell she was wearing heels.

She came down the stairs but he didn't cast a glance her way until her determined steps walked directly past him, toward the door.

Jason looked over and saw her then. She had changed into a long, black evening dress that exposed her smooth back completely. He couldn't see the front but he was sure it wouldn't be decent judging from the back of it.

"Hey!" he snapped. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Going out," she replied casually, never faltering from her exit as she returned the curt answers he so readily gave her earlier.

"Like Hell," he rebutted, standing with purpose.

He grabbed her hand causing her to half turn back and he was allowed to see the front of her dress then. He wasn't disappointed. The deep V at the center revealed a generous show of smooth skin and soft hints of curves. He realized he had inspected it a moment too long and looked up to meet her waiting eyes. In the second that he was nearly stunned, she had the chance to snap her wrist out of his hold and go for the door.

Brenda pulled the door open and Marco glanced over from his standout next to the elevator. Jason had already come back and moving, though and she was only to the exit before his arm locked around her waist.

"Hey!" she snapped, pushing at the vice that was his arm. She saw Marco watching with indecision and she called to him. "Hey! Marco! A little help here?"

Jason hauled her back as she pushed against him until he kicked the door closed and released her. They glared at one another for a long moment, he now blocking the door.

"I have to get out of here!" she exclaimed. "I am going crazy here."

"Why don't you just calm down?"

"I can't! I can't live like this!"

Jason watched her disappear up the stairs and he suddenly wasn't sure what she was going there to do. He hurried upstairs himself and found her room empty. He turned into his room and she was kneeling on floor next to his bed, pawing underneath it.

He pulled her up in his arms, growling, "What are you looking for?"

"Anything; I don't care!" she threw back.

"You can't just go out whenever you feel like throwing a fit, Brenda!" he snapped.

"Hey! News flash, Jason: You don't own me just because I live here!"

"Yeah, and you think I'm going to let you just walk out looking like that?"

Brenda feigned shock and took a step back, teasingly replying, "What? You don't like it?"

He answered a little too quickly with a look of distaste. "No."

"Yeah right," she muttered in disbelief, glancing aside.

Jason shook his head with "Whatever," and started off.

"What do you expect me to do, Jason?" she stopped him. "You tell me to wait for you before I can go out and then you won't even let me go out when you're here! I'm not going to stay in here for another night; I will find some way out."

Jason controlled his breathing as he glared at the ground. She was trying to drive him mad; he concluded that much. She was standing there in that dress that hugged her sleek frame, yelling at him. She was flushed with anger and it made her positively glow.

"How about the window?" she challenged, now so crazy with anger she was babbling. "I could climb out the window and crawl along the ledge. I might fall to my death but at least I wouldn't be trapped in here!"

"Shut up- if you would just stop talking for five seconds-"

"Oh, what? Am I bothering you?? Are you growing frustrated with your surroundings? Do you feel like you're going crazy?!"

Incredibly, he felt a little more than that. She was screaming at him in that dress and he didn't do it consciously, but he suddenly realized she was gorgeous in it. _Then _he started to react...

Without another word, he turned and left as quickly as possible.

"Jason! Don't you leave me here!" she yelled from upstairs as he slammed the door shut behind himself and made sure to lock it from the outside. Marco was watching and Jason faced him.

"Under **no **circumstances does she come out. I don't care if she's screaming, crying, kicking or pulling her hair out - if you open that door even once, you're fired."

Marco nodded with understanding and Jason entered the elevator, hitting the button and trying to escape his penthouse and Brenda in that dress as quickly as possible.


	2. Breakable

Thanks for your feedback. :) It's been **very** nice! I usually name the chapters of my stories after songs that are either **A.** Lyrically applicable to the content of that chapter or **B.** What I'm listening to when writing it so it influences the mood of the chapter. This one would be the latter. The song "Breakable" is by Fisher and is very mellow and sad so it fits with the end of the chapter. :) Read on and tell me what you think; I'm a feedback junkie.

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Breakable

The morning guard nodded a greeting to Jason as he stepped off the elevator, bag in hand, and headed to his door. He hadn't gone back last night; he needed to just let her cool down. And himself, apparently. He didn't know what had happened but it disturbed him. Thinking of Brenda in any way like that was stupid and dangerous - she would be able to smell that kind of affect she had on him in a heartbeat if he had stayed any longer. She had that talent, he'd give her that: to know when she was affecting someone. Especially men.

Jason had spent the night trying to rationalize what had happened. How could his mind even fathom of thinking of her in that way? He hadn't meant to; it just happened. Eventually, he reasoned it was a side effect of the intense hatred he had for her. Something just went askew for a moment but it definitely wouldn't happen again.

He entered, somewhat cautiously, and saw Brenda lying on the couch, still in the gown from last night. She woke with the sound of the door opening and after seeing it was him, she sat up, ignoring him as she tried to slowly wake.

"Are you okay now, Brenda?" he started. He didn't want to sound so harsh; he wasn't sure if this was something to do with her illness or not. But she now looked terrible; as if she hadn't slept much; her hair was messed, makeup gone and gown wrinkled. She was probably throwing a fit most of the night.

She didn't look at him, gazing aimlessly forward instead.

As he took a step closer, he went on, "Do you need medication? I can get it for you."

Still, she remained silent, obviously not wanting any medication. He could see she would keep up the silent treatment for a long time.

Taking a deep breath, he said finally, "I'm sorry for locking you in." She didn't respond. "I shouldn't have and I won't just because we're fighting again."

When she still remained in her quiet, he resolved he had done all he could. He set the bag and container he had been holding on the coffee table in front of her with a light thump. As he started off, she spoke. "What is that?"

"That's breakfast," he reported, shrugging off his jacket.

Brenda glanced at the bag and saw the logo from her favorite restaurant. She knew that hadn't been a coincidence.

She was starving and she also knew she didn't want to live in constant fighting with Jason. It was too draining and there were more important things in life than bickering with him.

At least he realized he had done wrong by her and apologized. That was enough for now.

She reached into the bag, finding the pastries she loved and took a bite, forgetting how much she had missed it.

Jason carefully took a seat next to her, saying, "Can I have some?"

"I don't know," she remarked behind a full mouth. "You better hurry up."

He snickered, grabbing for his own piece when she looked at him.

"You have to let me go out, you know," she said then, in all seriousness.

He stared aimlessly at the food and nodded. "Yeah." Facing her, he said, "I'll take you wherever you need to go."

"You going to take me to beauty salon?" she retorted.

"You don't _need _to go there," he noted.

She waited, giving him an expectant look but he wouldn't back down either.

"Where you **need **to go," he repeated and she sighed, taking another bite of her pastry. He was wearing down, she could tell. It would only take a little more time.

Brenda quietly tapped her foot as a distraction as she waited for her food order to come out from the restaurant. The waiters moved swiftly to deliver the plates to the tables and there was a hum of activity throughout.

Jason had loosened the guards enough to let her convince one of them that he gave her "permission" to take a walk. It was ridiculous that she had to even convince the lugs that she needed permission to leave the house but, unfortunately, that was the situation at the moment. She wasn't with Jason by force; she chose him. And he was helping her, even if his methods were frustrating most of the time.

A sudden crash of dishes exploded through the restaurant and Brenda jolted as others froze. The workers began to clear the mess and the customers went back to their meals.

Brenda forced herself to take a slow, deep breath. She didn't have any reason to be afraid any more; Luis was gone. Jason had taken care of him and she had faith that he knew how to do his job well.

Her heart was still pounding and the waiter that had been helping her came over to tell her the order was nearly ready.

She smiled politely but felt her insides still shaking a little. It would only be a little while longer then she could get back to the penthouse, where it was safe.

Jason entered the restaurant and recognized Brenda immediately, even if it was her back that faced him. When he had gotten home, she wasn't there. He had questioned Marco who had said she told him she was allowed to go out. On his way out of the penthouse, he called the hospital and was told she was not there, with Jax. He also called the Quartermaines which was, by far, the most dreadful. He got through it quickly enough but had to deal with the maid who answered the phone. When he asked "Is Brenda there? This is Jason Morgan", the maid replied, "You mean Mrs.Morgan?" The Quartermaines, and even their help, were always sly with slipping in certain remarks like that whenever they could.

But she had not been there and he began simply searching nearby businesses. Stores, restaurants, the docks, wherever.

He found her at the restaurant he had just entered and headed to her.

"Brenda," he growled, moments before his hand grabbed her own. He knew her arms were still bruised from Alcazar's man-handling.

She would have been frightened when the hand enveloped hers but it was only Jason and she was getting used to his grasp.

"What?"

"What are you doing?" he said with subdued anger. They were in public and didn't need to draw attention to themselves.

"Getting lunch. Is that okay?" she remarked.

"No, that is not okay," he retorted.

"It's something I _need_."

Jason shook his head at her rationalization and pulled her towards the door.

She wanted to fight him; he was always hauling her wherever he wanted; but it was a nice restaurant and to the public, they were "married". For appearances sake, she let his tight grip on her hand pull her outside.

When they were a fair distance from any others, he stopped to face her.

"You seemed to have missed the most important part of that clause: that _I _go with you," he snapped and she opened her mouth to respond but he interrupted. "Do you know anything about protecting yourself? No, Brenda; you don't. That's why I'm here. There are dozens of people out there who will want revenge for Alcazar. There are people who want to hurt us just because of who we are. You've been targeted before; you know that there are people like that out there."

"I know! But what am I supposed to do, sit in the penthouse, locked up all day for the rest of my life?" she exclaimed.

"You're supposed to let me help you! Tell me where you want to go and I will take you!"

"Yeah, I don't need a baby-sitter to go down two blocks to pick up my order, okay?"

"You need something," he retorted.

"I need my lunch so can I please go get it?"

"Do not leave the penthouse without _telling me _where you are going," he stated firmly. She watched him, bored expression upon her face.

"Is that all?"

"Did you hear me?"

"I'm not deaf."

"Are you sure?"

"You know what, Jason-"

"Brenda," he stopped her, setting his hands on her arms and silencing her with the seriousness of his tone. "I'm not doing this just to piss you off."

She stopped the cursing she was about to go into after he said that. He was being honest- of course he wasn't just picking fights. He was trying to protect her and she was yelling at him for it.

She calmed instantly and nodded, allowing a slight roll of the eyes. He let her go and she quietly went to the restaurant for her food while he waited to take her back.

Brenda came down the hall, heading for Jax's hospital room. It had been days since she had seen him last. Things had just started happening and he didn't know about Luis taking her. She wanted to tell him; she wanted to hear the real concern in his voice. Unlike Jason or Sonny who were both like brick walls and didn't show any emotion towards her at all. She needed Jax to give her that comfort that he always did. When she heard voices within, she slowed. Instead of interrupting them, she recognized Jax and Skye's voices and she stopped outside the door.

"Skye, you know you're the most important thing in my life," Jax said to his wife.

Brenda remembered when she was that to him; when she was the center of his universe. It pained her not to have that kind of love anymore. It saddened her heart to hear that her time with him had past as he so readily repeated his devotion to his new wife.

"I know," Skye breathed. "I just... need to hear that sometimes."

There was a silence and Brenda knew they had kissed. What she didn't realize were tears had formed in her eyes, unshed. She turned away, leaving them, and quickly blinked away the tears to keep up appearances.

She pulled her cell from her purse and cleared her throat after hitting the speed dial.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go," she reported then hung up before her voice could give her away.

Brenda pushed the elevator button and paused for a moment as she waited. She couldn't stop hearing Jax's voice in her head over and over again. 'I love Skye.' He never broke his promises and she would never have that love again.

Jason saw Brenda seated on part of the hospital edge near the street when he approached. She hadn't been visited with Jax long, that was for sure.

"Brenda, you're supposed to wait inside," he reminded. She slowly came out of her dazed-like trance and finally noticed him.

"Okay."

He stopped at that reply - Brenda had never been so quick to listen to him or take his advice. He noticed she looked tired or beaten. Or incredibly sad.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," she stated and he knew she would never tell him anyway.

"You remember I have that meeting to go to with Sonny tonight, right?" he reminded and she nodded absently. "Are you going to be okay by yourself? Carly is going with us too so it will just be you and Marco."

"You know what, actually, I think I'm just going to walk," she said then, as if she hadn't heard him.

"To the penthouse?"

"Yeah, it'll be good for me," she nodded, still gazing at the pavement. 

"No," he answered easily. It took her a moment to realize he had said that and that was another thing that disturbed him. She was extremely distant.

"Jason, Luis is gone. No one even knows he's gone; not his associates or anyone. So no one is out looking for revenge for him yet." She glanced at the sky and went on, "It's still daytime. It's hours until sunset. Nothing will happen."

"Yeah, you've told me that before," he noted.

He could see the sadness in her eyes now and knew she just wanted the time alone.

"No one is after me," she reasoned. "Please."

He really hated the idea of letting her wander around by herself. But she was looking through him with the loneliest eyes he'd ever seen. His gut was still telling him not to leave her alone, though.

"Brenda..."

"I'll be fine," she automatically replied.

Taking a deep breath, he knew he wouldn't try to keep her caged - not with those eyes. He nodded slightly then turned and left her to find her own way home.

"He's on his way," Carly replied as Sonny asked where Jason was. "Don't worry; he won't be late."

Sonny was calmly pacing his living room and she cast a perplexed look at him as the door opened and Jason entered.

"Hey," Sonny greeted, noticing Jason was alone. "Where's Brenda?"

"She's out," he started and Carly could tell in his tone that he was bothered by it. "I was actually going to ask if I could get out of going to the dinner."

"What for?" Sonny asked.

"I was going to go find Brenda."

"You don't know where she is?" 

Carly glanced at her husband and had also picked up on the accusing tone in his comments as Jason had.

"She's at the park, taking a walk," Jason replied, easily enough.

Sonny was instantly at ease again. "What's the problem then?"

Jason paused a moment. What was the problem? She had calmed his worries by calling in and letting him know she was nearby but decided to stay out a little longer. But he had been waiting at the penthouse for her to get there and when it was time for him to go to the dinner, he wanted to go get her much worse. He let himself conclude that it was simply the fact that she was out, wandering around by herself, that made it dangerous. With her condition, it wasn't safe for Brenda to be alone - especially in public - for long.

"I just wanted to go pick her up," Jason answered.

"She'll be fine," Sonny discarded with assurance but Jason didn't move.

"I think I should go get her all the same," he stated and Sonny then looked at him.

His bodyguard, confidant and closest friend stood as he always did; at attention before him. But Sonny had known him too long and he could read the slight differences in Jason's expression. He knew that determined look was one running on the protective instincts Sonny had come to depend on in his trusted friend. But now it was different. Now he was protecting Brenda and it wasn't in Sonny's name; Jason wanted to do it himself.

Sonny shrugged the slightest bit; an okay; as his watchful expression never faltered and Jason turned and left without a word. The door shut and Carly looked to her husband. He was angry and she knew why. Something had shifted in the last few seconds and it was nearly palpable.

She waited until he met her eyes briefly and ordered her to finish getting ready as he headed upstairs to do the same. Carly sighed, knowing this anger was rooted in the same thing that all of Sonny's moods revolved around now: Brenda.

Jason made his way through the park which was already darkening with the setting sun. He saw Brenda sitting on a bench, silently alone and he quietly approached. She was staring at the ground, frozen in thought when the sound of his footsteps on the grass made her turn to see it was him then face forward again.

"You know what, Jason; if you could just not hassle me for five minutes, that would be great," she remarked.

Jason set his hands upon his hips as he told himself not to be led into another pointless fight with her.

"I'm not here to hassle you," he stated, a bit more harsh than he intended.

She waited for the rest but he was silent. "Why are you here then?"

"Can I just sit down?" he snapped. "Is that okay with you?"

She shrugged tiredly as she muttered, "It's a free country."

Jason took a seat on the bench and settled into the back. A long silence stretched between them as she resumed her mind wandering and he enjoyed the peace.

"What are you going to do with me, Jason?" she murmured after the period of quiet passed. He looked over at her and she glanced at him, her eyes filled with tears. "When I- ...When I'm not myself anymore. Are you going to take me to a clinic?"

Jason watched the fear in her eyes; the fear of the unknown future.

"I'll do whatever I have to."

Brenda nodded as she stared at the ground again. A pause floated around them before she murmured, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you."

Jason folded his hands before him as he leaned forward and she went on.

"It was really stupid and I'm sorry. We should just get an annulment and-"

"Brenda," he stopped her with that one word and their eyes met. "I don't want out."

"Why not?" she asked with disbelief.

"Because I made a promise," he stated simply.

"Jason, this is your life-"

"You don't think I thought of that?" he interrupted. "I didn't have to marry you, Brenda. You suggested it but you're not _that _persuasive; I could have said no." She watched him; so sure and calm about everything while she was so lost as to what would happen to her life. He finished, "I made a decision. I didn't ask you to make it for me. And I don't need you to make it for me now."

Her eyes fell back to the grass before her and after awhile she snickered to herself. "Think of it this way: I won't be around too long so you'll only have to go through this for a little while."

He didn't respond to that comment, but instead sat back into the bench without another word. They sat silently while the sun went down and softly cloaked them in night.

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	3. Careful Where You Stand

Hey kiddies. I know the story is a bit serious right now (and what a downer, right?) but I promise I have plans to get lighter. Brenda is just going through a lot and she needs to get through it (with a little help from her husband, n'est-ce pas?). But she will get through it! Cross my heart. :) So read on.

Jason sifted through the shirts in his drawer with a scowl on his face. He couldn't find his favorite T-shirt. It was here yesterday, he knew it. And he was getting chilly with none on. An idea popped in his mind and he shook his head with warning as he left his room. He found Brenda downstairs on the couch with the newspaper in hand. In his shirt. It was only long enough to cover her at mid-thigh but that wasn't the point.

"Brenda," he snapped and she looked up. "Why are you wearing my shirt?"

"What? It's laundry day. I grabbed the first thing I found."

"Don't go through my things."

"Yeah, I'm sure you can go through mine, though, right?" she snickered, turning back to the paper.

"Take it off; I need to wear it."

"Get another shirt!"

"_I want that one_."

"It's occupied at the moment," she remarked. There was a knock at the door and she popped up from the couch with, "I'll get it."

Jason exhaled carefully as she rushed past him. She was wearing his shirt. Number one, that was his favorite shirt and no one was allowed to wear it. And number two, he had always thought it looked sexy when a woman wore a man's shirt; especially in the morning with their messed hair and bare feet. Jason rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands with frustration. He promised himself he was going to stop thinking things like that.

Brenda swung the door open, half expecting Marco to announce someone was visiting, but was met with Sonny, suddenly, instead. It took him a micro-second for his eyes to inspect the oversized T-shirt with her bare legs beneath.

"Nice shirt," he remarked, meeting her eyes which feigned boredom.

"Do you need something?"

Jason appeared behind her when he heard Sonny's voice and his boss's eyes flashed over the both of them then. There Jason stood, half naked, and Brenda in his shirt.

His dark gaze rested on Jason and said simply, "I need to talk to you."

Jason nodded once and turned to grab a shirt. Brenda began to turn away when Sonny spoke.

"How's it going?"

"Great," she replied. "And yourself?"

"Fine," he nodded then in a low tone went on. "How's married life agreeing with you?"

Brenda shrugged with, "Married to the mob. How good could it be?"

Sonny held her gaze, his practically sparkling with promise. "It could be great. It's too bad you haven't been shown that."

"Maybe I still will," she replied and the insinuation of she and Jason. It was one of the great blatant challenges she and Sonny often went through.

He grinned at her tease and Jason finally came out, fully clothed.

"See you later," Sonny said as she gave him a fake smile and closed the door.

Jason waited as Sonny gathered his thoughts. "Okay, Marco informed me yesterday that Steven has been on his cell phone at strange times in the night."

"He thinks Steven is working for someone else?"

"That's what he thinks," Sonny nodded. Steven was one of his guards and it was hard to come by loyal help when there was always someone ready to pay more.

"Do you want me to check it out?"

"It might just be a false alarm but keep your guard up," Sonny finished as Jason nodded. Sonny absently rubbed his mouth before he went on. "Listen. I know you think you understand what you got into but I'm pretty sure you don't."

"What do you mean?" Jason asked.

Sonny chuckled a little to himself as he thought of it then came back from his thoughts. "You need to be careful with Brenda."

Jason shook his head, indicating he didn't need the warning.

"No, listen," Sonny stopped him in all seriousness. "You don't know it; and I hope you never do; but she's got a way about her. One minute she's driving you crazy and the next..."

Jason watched Sonny drift off a bit.

"...the next minute she's just got you." His eyes rose to meet Jason's. "She hypnotizes you. And spellbinds you until you don't know which way is up or down anymore. And that's when she's not even trying."

Jason wanted to assure him that would never happen. Even if he did have eyes and knew Brenda was attractive he would _never _fall for her. Especially not like Sonny had.

"Anyway," Sonny murmured. "Just be careful."

Jason nodded his silent assurances and Sonny let him leave.

Brenda lay in her deep slumber in the silent room. Darkness lurked in every corner of the guest room, slinking with the clouds over the moon outside. One thick shape pulled away from the wall, floating over the carpet. It moved closer to the bed until it looked down at her sleeping, undisturbed.

A dark limb extended slowly; a hand covered in blackness; and without warning, snapped over her mouth, yanking her from her sleep with agonizing awareness. She tried to scream but all was muffled beneath the massive hand. She tried to thrash but was being weighed down so heavily. She couldn't see anything, though - darkness and shadows.

Brenda panicked, pushing and shoving at the form that was holding her so easily. All she could think of was to scream to Jason.

Suddenly the shadow leaned forward and the face of Luis Alcazar was illuminated by the moonlight.

"I love you, Brenda," he growled. "And I will never let you go."

______________________

Brenda awoke with a gasp, pushing herself to sit up in the bed. Her eyes immediately flashed around the room, seeing the shadows from her nightmare. One moved lightly from the curtain shifting, another swelled with a cloud from the window.

She grasped her head, trying to still her whirling, panicking mind.

Luis is dead. Jason killed Luis.

She repeated it over and over until she felt safe enough to open her eyes and look at the darkness in the guest room as the harmless forms they were.

She carefully slid from the bed, a pillow clutched comfortingly to her, as she silently padded out. The apartment was still and she took slow steps down the stairs. There was something about that guest room; it was so detached. It was a generic room, some _random _room with a bed and a closet. There was no life in it. It was devoid of any personal airs; it didn't have to be hers, particularly, just someone so there was a trace that there had been someone living there. But there was not and the emptiness only gave way to the shadows, drawing in her fears.

Brenda crept to the corner of the living room, next to the window so she could see outside, setting the pillow against the wall. She curled into the soft pillow and gazed outside, wishing she could hear the calm of the water to sing her back to sleep. She wished she could smell the ocean and the cool, fresh air from the sea.

She sadly let her eyes slide shut as she lay curled in the corner.

Jason woke with an unsettling feeling. It wasn't unusual. He was not a heavy sleeper, nor was his conscience clear enough to let him sleep without interruption. He took a deep breath as he sat up and knew he would have to get up before he would be able to sleep again.

He began to head out of the room but slid on a pair of pajama pants, remembering he did not live alone anymore. If he had been, he could walk around in his shorts but, as it was, he probably shouldn't.

Jason stepped down the staircase and slowed when he saw the ball in the corner. He squinted to see if it was what he thought it was then went over, crouching down to see closer in the darkness.

Brenda was sleeping peacefully in her corner again but now she had a pillow with her; there was _intention _to be there. 

Jason sighed before quietly saying, "Brenda."

Her eyes opened the slightest bit and a flash of recognition went through them before she burrowed back into her pillow.

He almost snickered with amusement. "Brenda, you can't keep sleeping here. What's wrong?"

A long moment passed as he let her thoughts go through her sleep-filled brain.

"I like it," she ground out.

"Why?"

"don't like my room."

Jason resigned they would deal with her dislike of his interior decorating in the morning. "Come on," he nudged her a little but she didn't budge. She seemed to actually have fallen back to sleep in her pillow.

He couldn't bring himself to wake her up. Gently, his arms slid under her back and legs, lifting her as he stood. The stirring brought her to a half-conscious state as he ascended the stairs. But when he turned toward the guest room, she realized where he was taking her.

"No, I don't want to sleep here," she murmured, beginning to gently struggle.

"Okay, okay," he calmed her and she stopped squirming. He shook his head a little then turned and left the guest room.

Brenda had drifted back to her half sleep state when he laid her on the only other bed in the house; his. As he pulled away after setting her down, she held onto his arm, her eyes closed in her near slumber.

"Jason," she murmured and he froze as she clutched to his arm like a lifeline. "don't leave me."

He waited to see if she was fully aware of what she was saying; after awhile, he guessed she knew about half. Maybe it hadn't been the interior design that she disliked about the guest room; maybe she had actually been frightened by something. Being alone, sleeping in a strange room, who knew? Either way, something had disturbed her enough to drive her to sleep on the floor of his living room.

Brenda had pulled his arm up, hugging it as she had the pillow and he let it tug him down, carefully lying into the bed behind her as she held his arm captive. It wrapped around her now which (he assumed) was the point and he waited for her to wake up. To shove him away and tell him he was an idiot for getting this close to her. But she didn't. Her small arms merely clung to him, bringing him to nestle behind her.

As he waited, he found that the smell of her was sweet. The hands that were holding him were soft and her small body seemed to curl into his for comfort and warm shelter.

Jason carefully exhaled as his head hit the pillow. It was going to be a long night.

Jason shifted through the papers on his desk. He glanced at the clock seeing it said it was past seven in the morning. She had started moving around upstairs ten minutes ago. He hadn't been able to get out of her grip last night so he conceded and actually slept himself. When he woke, before the sunrise, and realized he was sleeping with Brenda lying in his arms, he had separated himself promptly. She was so deep in her sleep by then, he was able to slide away successfully.

He had made himself begin work after he had gotten out of bed. He most _definitely _did not let himself think about how he had spent the night and the fact that he slept better than he had in a long time.

Jason heard her about to descend the stairs and he quickly swiped up a T-shirt nearby, sliding it on. For some reason, he felt awkward with no shirt around her now.

Brenda cautiously stepped down each stair, seeing Jason, once again at his desk working. But something strange had happened that morning: she had woken up in his bed. Granted, he wasn't in bed with her (thank goodness) but that didn't change the fact that she had fallen asleep somewhere and woken somewhere else.

She absently rubbed her forehead as he ignored her with his work.

"Uh," she started. "Jason."

"What?"

"How did I... Was I sleepwalking, or something?"

Jason stopped his work and gave her a brief glance over his shoulder. "No."

She waited for him to explain but, as usual, it was as difficult as possible to speak to him. "How did I get in your bed then?" she asked, with exasperation.

He went back to his work but spoke while doing so. "You were lying on the floor down here. I put you in the bed."

Brenda nodded once, thankful for a clear answer. She took the newspaper from the desk and plopped into the sofa to read it. Jason paused in his writing and looked to her.

"Brenda, what's wrong with your room?"

"What room. I don't have a room," she noted, scanning the front page.

"You know what I'm talking about - the guest room."

"Nothing," she lied easily enough.

He watched her, waiting for her to finish the act. "Why won't you sleep in there?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied with a look of disbelief and turned back to the paper.

Jason shook his head at her stubborn stance and waved it off, going back to his work instead of worrying about Brenda.

Jason woke a bit abruptly to a darkened bedroom. There must have been some sound that had caused the jolt in him to wake but it was silent now. He stayed still, waiting to hear more but nothing came.

Shifting in the bed, he turned to his side, able to watch the door he left open in case there was something out there. There was little chance anyone would get past all the guards outside his front door, though.

A minute or so past and he could suddenly make out a soft shuffling sound in the hall. The silhouette of Brenda sleepily dragging herself down the hall appeared as she past his door, toward the stairs.

"Brenda," he called carefully but firmly.

The shuffling came to a stop then slowly restarted, turning back to his door. He was sure she was conscious; this was no sleepwalk and never had been. She had her pillow clung to her again as she stood in his doorway in the dark. He couldn't see her eyes but knew she was awake enough to know where she was.

Jason motioned for her to come in with his free arm and it took a few moments before she did so. When she approached the bed, he pulled the sheet back for her and she automatically slid onto the bed, her back facing him the same as the night before. Jason set the sheet back over her after she settled in and watched her drift to a comfortable sleep with a furrowed brow. He carefully rolled onto his back, folding his hands over his chest as he stared at the ceiling.

Brenda was lying in his bed. Again. But that didn't concern him half as much as the fact that he really didn't mind.

…


	4. Ordinary Day

So, I don't know, you guys. No one is really reading my fic so I was kind of thinking about stopping. I mean, I only write it for you guys to read it. I can dream up this junk in my head anytime. :) So tell me what you think and I'll see if we'll go more into it if anyone is actually reading. Lol.

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Ordinary Day

Doctor Reinmar stood straight in the face of Jasper Jax, as if he could alleviate his guilt by providing a well-shaped explanation about why he did what he did for Luis Alcazar.

Jax approached the doctor a bit closer, leaning on his cane heavily, and he looked the man straight in the eye.

"Tell me, doctor," he stated. "Is Brenda Barrett really dying?"

"Are you ready yet?" Jason called up the stairs.

"Almost!" Brenda replied.

"It's not the Nurse's Ball, Brenda; it's just a restaurant," he added.

She appeared, coming down the stairs in a stunning dress with a grin upon her face. "No," she corrected. "It's a night out. That's enough to celebrate."

Jason had watched her descend the stairs but mentally shook himself not to stare. Brenda had always been beautiful; she was a model, after all; but he'd never really noticed. To him, she had always been that spoiled brat that got everything she wanted and juggled Sonny and Jax around to her liking. But by marrying him, he realized she was trying to do the right thing and save both Sonny and Jax. And he respected that.

So maybe somewhere along the lines after they had been married he began to see a bit more humane side of Brenda that he never bothered to see before. That was only a problem because now he wasn't able to simply hate her and distance himself from her. He never expected to actually care a little bit about Brenda, ever. He was still struggling to hold onto how he used to feel about her; it was easier that way than trying to understand this new relationship of being civil to one another.

"Can we go now?" he tried to snap but she smiled back at him in response, not getting into any disagreements: her mood too upbeat at the prospect of really going out and enjoying a night.

"Yes. We can go."

Jason shrugged on his jacket as she headed out and shook his head a little. Her being upbeat was, unfortunately, beginning to take an effect on him. With a sigh, he thought, 'Why couldn't they just stay hating each other?'

"We don't have a reservation," Jason informed her as they approached the front.

"You put us on the list. I'll go get some drinks. What do you want?"

"I don't care," he murmured. His phone rang and he motioned to the two guards, Steven and Bruce as he headed outside to answer it. "Take them with you."

"Okay," she agreed and he was, again, amazed whenever she took his instruction.

Brenda hadn't wanted the guards to come with them initially but she was in too good of a mood to question or argue with Jason about anything so she let him have what he wanted. She hadn't been out in forever; a night when she didn't have to worry about Luis or awkwardly running into Sonny or Jax with their wives. She could finally relax and have an evening to eat good food and enjoy herself.

She approached the bar, the two guards staying on both sides of her, and she ordered herself a drink and a beer for Jason. The restaurant was a very cool new place; half was a side to eat and another was a lounging, nightclub-like scene. Brenda never got tired of living in luxury and this place was definitely nice.

Bruce turned to her and handed her a note suddenly and she gave him a perplexed look.

"What's this?"

He shrugged at first then said, "It's for you."

She glanced down at the folded piece of paper, seeing her name written on the top. She opened it, curiously and read the words quickly.

'Brenda, I love you. I will keep my promise and take you away from here. They can never keep me away. I will never leave you. Love, Luis.'

Brenda stopped breathing. It was his handwriting. She wouldn't have given it half as much credibility but she knew Luis's handwriting. And he had written this note.

Her mind flew. Bruce had never left her side. Neither had Steven. When had they gotten this note? Bruce had had it on him. And the two were on both her sides, surrounding her, as she pretended to still read the note, trying to think of what to do next.

She folded it carefully, remembering both men had guns on them.

The bartender set her drinks on the bar and it made her jump a little. Bruce looked down at her and she put on the best smile she could muster under the panicked pounding of her heart.

She began to reach for the drinks then suddenly whirled around, ducking away and sprinting. She sensed the guards' movement as they reached out for her but her small size was an advantage. The heels she was wearing, however, was not. People began to notice the two large men running after her as she pushed through the crowd, heading for the exit. There were too many people to scream; the chatter and music was too loud. And she was so small in the sea of people.

Brenda barely made it near the entrance when a huge hand clamped down on her arm, yanking her to a stop. Jason came back into the restaurant and saw it all instantly - Steven grabbing Brenda as she struggled to get away. He immediately pulled the 9 millimeter from his holster and aimed at the big guard.

"Let her go!" he ordered. Bruce began to move, reaching for his gun, and Jason pointed at him, unloading a shot into the guard's shoulder. Bruce whipped around, stumbling back. The crowd jumped into action, running away from the scene with a chorus of screams.

Brenda had dug her nails into the arm that was holding her so firmly and bit into it as hard as she could. Steven cried out from the pain as Jason tried to get a clear shot but was afraid of hitting Brenda as they struggled. Steven instantly slammed his open palm against her cheek, drawing her down from the force of the hit. Jason took the opportunity and fired directly into Steven's chest.

The guard released her as he folded over from the shot. Brenda hurried toward the exit as Bruce began to pull the gun from his holder. He raised the gun at the two. Jason's free hand wrapped around Brenda's arm, pulling her close and behind him as his right arm extended and fired in a flash, hitting Bruce dead on in the head.

The restaurant was practically clear and it left a chilled silence, save Brenda's broken gasps. Her head had been buried in Jason's chest after he shielded her and she turned to see the two bodies on the ground.

Before her mind could wrap around everything that was happening, Jason jumped into action, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the club. They found the limo and climbed in safely as he ordered the driver to simply go.

There was a moment as they caught their breaths and Brenda stared at the seat in front of her. Jason began calmly. "What happened?"

She swallowed past the dryness in her mouth then took another deep breath. "They gave me a letter from Luis. I tried to run and they grabbed me."

Jason glared ahead as his mind flew. He pounded the seat after only moments, cursing, "Damnit!"

Brenda glanced at his angry response. "What?"

"They let him go," he muttered. "Bruce and Steven were the ones I left with Alcazar to finish him. He must have bribed them. Marco even suspected something was going on."

"They let him go?" she repeated.

"What did the letter say?"

She paused, seeing it in her mind and knowing the weight and significance of it now. "He said you could never keep him away."

"Yeah, we'll see," he muttered to himself as he dialed his cell phone.

____________________________

Sonny answered the phone with a quick hello.

"Sonny," Jason stated. "Listen, we're leaving."

He paused. "What are you talking about?"

"Me and Brenda; we're leaving town. We're going to go to one of the islands or something."

"What happened?"

"Steven and Bruce. They came after her, on orders from Alcazar."

Sonny's eyes slid shut. There was no getting rid of that bastard Alcazar.

"Where are you now?"

"We're on the way to the airport," Jason replied. "You have to get someone to clean up The Point restaurant. Steven and Bruce are there."

Sonny nodded, understanding what had happened.

"I'll call you when we get where we're going," he finished.

"Yeah, call me."

The phone hung up and he set the receiver down. Carly strolled into the room, curiously.

"Who was that?"

___________________________________

"We're going somewhere?" Brenda repeated, still dazed from the quick events that just occurred.

"We have to get out of here. We don't know how many of Sonny's guards are taking orders from Alcazar. We're going somewhere that no one knows about. We're going to have to get lost for a little while and let Sonny deal with Alcazar."

"I don't want to run away. I don't want to uproot my life because of Luis-" she began.

"Alcazar is done fighting fair," Jason stopped her. "He doesn't care about not hurting you anymore; he'll do _anything _to get you back."

"Running away isn't the answer-"

"We're being strategic and going into hiding because that's all we have right now. Sonny will find him," he firmly assured her. She stayed silent and he knew she was still shaken over what had happened. They sat in peace for the rest of the ride.

Jason finished informing the pilot of the jet the coordinates of the island they were to go to. Brenda sat on the small sofa, still in her evening dress, but now deflated into the cushions as she waited. She was so afraid when the guard had grabbed her; she had thought back to the last time Luis kidnapped her and she imagined him coming through the front doors of the club again with that satisfied smile on his face. But it wasn't he who had come through the doors; it had been Jason. And she had never been so glad to see him.

He shrugged off his jacket and exhaled as he settled into the sofa. "He's preparing for takeoff now."

She didn't respond and he glanced aside to see her blank expression gazing aimlessly forward. But it wasn't exactly her expression that gained his most immediate attention - there was a large red mark forming upon her cheek from the hit she had taken.

Jason edged closer and turned her face in his hand to see the extent of the damage.

"What?" she asked.

He stood swiftly and she could see tension in him; he was furious about something. He went back in the jet and returned moments later with a bag filled with ice. Sitting next to her, he turned her again to put the ice along her cheek. She hissed at the intense sensation and he instinctually murmured his apologetic, soothing murmurings.

"I know, I'm sorry, but this will help a lot."

"I bet you deal with these kinds of bruises all the time," she remarked and he shrugged with a nod.

"Yeah."

They sat quietly as he held the bag to her face. Her eyes glanced up at him and he met hers.

"Thank you," she murmured, holding his steady gaze. She realized, now, just how deep he was in by becoming her "husband". He had agreed to risk his life and he did it without regret. For her.

He nodded his welcome, trying to stay as distant as possible as he looked away. She was looking into him so deeply and he had never seen that kind of grateful look in her before.

"Hold this there," he instructed, standing suddenly to retreat. "I have to make a call."

Jason headed to the back of the jet again and she slowly slumped into the sofa, holding the ice pack to her face. Maybe this island thing wouldn't be so bad. Tropical weather? Nothing to do except lie on the beach? Hell, she thought. It might even be a little fun...

…


	5. Fascination

Thanks for the notes of encouragement. I see one person is reading! LOL. I guess that's enough. :)

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Fascination

Brenda came to a stop in the dirt path as the sight of the small hut came into view.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"It's secluded. It's what we need," he noted as he walked past her.

They had arrived on a larger island then took a boat to the one they were on now. These collection of shacks were made for their privacy as each was surrounded by jungle.

"Is there running _water_?"

"Of course there is," he muttered as the door opened. She stepped in and it wasn't as bad inside as it looked from the outside. There was a living area with chairs, then a separate room which she followed him into.

Jason was checking the surroundings; the windows, exits and other security notes. The bedroom was closed off well and it wasn't until Brenda stopped next to the bed that he noticed there was only the one.

He inwardly sighed but it wasn't unusual to sleep in the same bed with her after the past few weeks. Now it was mandatory.

"Well." she stated, tossing the bag full of the clothes they had bought onto the floor. "What's for dinner?"

Brenda curled into the sheet that lightly covered her. Jason had been doing chores, checking windows or something or other since she went to bed. She was pretty sure he was waiting for her to fall asleep and then he would lie down.

It was past midnight when he finally settled into the bed and the only sound was that of the fans that cooled the room. She slowly opened her eyes as she lay on her side and looked at him in the moonlight. He looked still, trying to rest and she wondered how someone could live in constant awareness like he did. And why had he promised to take care of her if he hated her so passionately? Why had she even thought of the idea? He had already saved her life and risked his own for her, which she couldn't get out of her head. What bothered her most was the question: was he doing it all to keep her safe for Sonny's sake or was it something else? She mentally shook herself. It had to be for Sonny.

Jason's eyes opened, as if to take another survey of the new surroundings, but turned his head to face her suddenly. She had shut her eyes when his opened, after the initial shock and she tried to breathe slowly.

"Brenda."

She resigned with a sigh. So he had seen her. That was his job, after all: to notice things. He waited, a questioning look on him.

"What?" she snapped at the blatant inspection.

"Why are you still awake?"

"I'm in a strange place, on some obscure island, running for my life from mobsters. Am I allowed to be a little agitated?" she rebuked, even though most of it was made up. Sure, she was a little worried but nothing as much as she let on.

"Yeah, well, you don't have to worry. I'm here so nothing's going to hurt you."

Brenda stared at him, a little in awe; Jason had that unique talent of saying something that would ordinarily sound so precious and amazing and making it sound like it was simply a fact and she should stop her whining, or something. 'I would never let anything happen to you.' 'I'll make sure he never finds you.' If he'd stop sounding so damn condescending all the time, he may just sound as though he actually cared.

"What?" Jason said with exasperation after she stayed glaring at him and he rubbed his face.

"Nothing. You're just very good at being _Jason_."

He exhaled, watching the ceiling, knowing he would regret this later but asking anyway. "What are you babbling about?"

"You're great at playing that role. You're The Guy. The one that always says the right thing and does the right thing and can do no wrong-"

"Do no wrong?" he interrupted, glancing aside at her. "Brenda, please. You know what I do."

She waved that off. "I'm not talking about that. I mean you do no wrong by the people close to you. You're like... this _knight_ in shining armor. I've seen all those girls who fawn over you, they fall for it hook, line and sinker."

"Are you finished?"

"They fall for the whole heroic thing but they can never deal with the reality, can they?" she murmured, feeling sorry for him suddenly. "They want the fairy tale to keep going. But it doesn't."

Jason exhaled again his impatience and she continued.

"They don't know you really."

"Yes, they do."

She rolled to her back to stare up at the ceiling, as though she hadn't heard him. "I remember when I was with Sonny, there were nights he would come home from doing something that he didn't want to do or felt he _had_ to do... and there was this shadow over his eyes. I always assumed it could be anything: regret. Sadness... Shame."

Brenda let her eyes glance at him and he was glaring up at the ceiling as well.

"As exciting as it may be to those girls at first, they don't know what it's really like," she stated. "Do they know deep down you're ashamed?"

"They know what they want to know."

"Which doesn't include anything outside of you riding up on your white horse and saving them," she added.

"I don't do what I do to look good in front of girls," he snapped.

"I believe you. That's just a side bonus, right?" she teased. "Come on, Jason, admit it. You love those girls fawning over you. The only problem is, you've gotten so good at playing knight that you're nearly losing any semblance of human emotion that you may have. You're not a soldier _all the time_."

"Yes, I am," he stated and turned to see her. "That's my job. That's what I do."

"People are not their _jobs_!" she tried to explain.

"I am."

"You care about people, I know you do. Sonny and Carly, for some God only knows reason..."

"Yeah, so? I'm not made of stone, you know I'm human. I can't help caring about people," he snapped.

"But you would try your damnedest not to be human," she noted. Jason faced the ceiling again and a stretch of silence carried out. He felt the sheet moving slightly above her toes which were now idly bouncing.

"Do you care about me at all?"

Jason's immediate reaction was so snicker and give her that same malicious glance they usually shared. It was what was familiar and he didn't want that to change, especially after the way his feelings _had _changed.

She went on before he could react. "Would you care if I died? You know, if someone came in a shot me."

"Brenda-" he knew she was trying to cover now, making fun of the pretty serious question she had asked.

"I'm just saying, your protectee would be dead. You'd feel a little bad, right? And for Sonny, I'm sure. You'd be sad for him and-"

His hand came up in a general silencing act and she stopped. He turned to see her and replied, "I would care if something happened to you."

"Really?" She allowed a small smile. He tried to stop his own reaction to smile at her obvious satisfaction that he felt for her and he only mildly succeeded, conceding the edge of a smile as he turned back forward and closed his eyes.

"Go to sleep."

Brenda grinned to herself and exhaled as she lay back, glad she finally knew she was one of the few people that Jason actually cared about. She was completely happy at the idea.

...


	6. Cry To Me

Brazens! You're out there! :D Well, I wanted to make a quick note for any of you who would like to hang out and chat with other Brazens, there is a terrific message board called Fan Forum (www.fanforum.com) and, more specifically, a Soap Opera board where you can discuss any and all soaps and couples, etc. But, of course, the Brazen thread is the best. So if you'd like a place to talk about the couple, that is a great place. :)

Let's move along… And thank you for still reading, you guys. ;)

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Cry To Me

"We shouldn't be seen," Jason noted, glancing behind them as he and Brenda entered the small watering hole, the hum of the music filling the room. It was close enough so a twenty minute walk brought them to the hut but far enough so that it didn't bring people close to their house. She was threatening on sneaking out and he knew she could so it was best just to take her.

Sonny said Alcazar had gone underground so it was difficult to calculate exactly what he knew on their whereabouts. But Jason felt relatively safe on the island, knowing only Sonny knew the location.

"What are you talking about," Brenda nearly snorted. "There's, like, five locals here. And that shack is a hundred times worse than your penthouse, if you can believe that. I need to get out of there. There's nothing to do."

"Learn to sew."

"For the last time, **no**," she threw back and approached the small bar. The man behind the bar looked up at the two and smiled. They were used to foreign people on their island and usually suspected they were staying in such a secluded place for a reason.

"Good evening," he greeted. "What can I get the beautiful lady?"

"I think I'm going to need something hard," she beamed at the prospect of letting loose.

The bartender nodded and went for a bottle.

"Do you think you should be doing that?" Jason said suddenly. "With your illness."

"Pfft. I don't care," she waved as a drink was set before her. She took it and slammed it back swiftly.

"Hey." Jason scolded.

She exhaled as the drink burned down her throat. "Jesus, that's strong."

"No drinking," he immediately set down the rule.

"No, I'm fine. It's the first one that hurts the most," she shook her head to clear it. "And it doesn't effect the disease or anything. I've drank wine and all kinds of other things for the past four years."

"How can you be sure-"

"Alcohol has no effect on me other than the normal one," she remarked and motioned for another from the bartender.

"Well, in any case, I don't need you passed out drunk and I don't know if it's the booze or your illness. It's not like General Hospital is right around the corner, Brenda."

"I promise I'll be fine," she assured him and drank another. She then directed to the bartender, "You better get a beer for my husband. He's kind of tense."

Jason exhaled as he shrugged off his jacket, knowing he was in for a long evening.

***

Brenda watched as a group of men eagerly waited another who tossed a dart at the board, hitting the center. The men who had betted on him erupted in cheer and Brenda laughed after watching their games for the past half hour. She turned to see Jason seated at the table with her and he shook his head with a small smile after being equally entertained by the bets.

"They're making a lot of money; do you play darts?" she asked.

"Not professionally."

Brenda gasped and her arms shot out in a motion to halt everything. "Oh my God. Was that a _joke_??"

Jason puffed slightly as he peeled the label from the beer bottle and she went on in her giddy, slightly intoxicated state.

"Have the five beers melted the outer layer of ice that surrounds you?!"

"Apparently," he stated, going along with her. He could have _fifteen _beers and it wouldn't affect him but if he didn't humor her, she would go on about how cold he was and he didn't want to hear that was what she thought of him. She wasn't sloppy drunk yet; she had only gotten a little silly. It was strange, but he actually didn't mind seeing her so happy because she had only been miserable since she had gotten back. He hadn't seen her smile so much in so long. He really didn't want to bring her down.

"Finally," she said, pouring one more drink from the bottle they had brought to their table and settling back into the chair. "I'll remember that. Alcohol plus Jason equals good."

"All right," he murmured.

The radio, which played mostly local music and oldies, began a new song and Brenda sighed. "I love this song."

She bounced up out of her seat suddenly, rounding the table. "You have to dance with me-"

"No. Absolutely not."

"It's slow! You can stand there and sway can't you?" she argued as she grabbed his wrists, tugging at them.

"No."

"_Please_, Jason. Just this one. I swear I'll never ask you to dance ever again in my entire life." She finished the last sentence and what would normally be a figure of speech about the length of one's life, realistically hit her.

He watched her smile fade after she made a comment about the rest of her life. She was remembering; thinking of her illness; and he could see the sadness starting to seep back.

"Two minutes," he murmured as he stood and she beamed again. She led them to the empty corner that was invariably used for dancing and came close, setting her hands on his arms and her cheek to his chest. He absently let his hands float on her waist and listened to the song which was, unfortunately, becoming hypnotic.

Brenda smiled to herself as the words of the song swam through her happy thoughts.

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'When your baby leaves you all alone and nobody calls you on the phone, don't you feel like crying? Don't you feel like crying? Well, here I am, honey, come on. Cry to me.'

Her hands slid up his arms to drape around his shoulders as she let herself ease against his body more. He was so warm and it had been so long since anyone safe had held her. She missed that so much. The feel of someone's body next to hers, especially someone who made her feel secure.

Jason felt her shift when her arms tightened around his neck. The damn song was talking about smelling perfume and while she, obviously, didn't have any, she still smelled good. He had relaxed after a moment and his hands only barely felt the softness of her body. When she sank into him slightly, he cursed himself for enjoying it so much. But it was when her fingers idly touched the back of his neck, edging up through his hair, that he felt a jolt really shoot through his body.

"Brenda," he murmured, pulling away slightly so he was able to part their bodies and look down at her. She met his eyes and froze at the sight of him. He was going to say something about them needing to head back and call it a night, but he was sure that by the way she was looking at him, she saw what he was feeling. Maybe she could see that he wanted to touch the rest of her or press her back against him or taste her. From the gentle shock that was on her face, he knew she saw _something_.

"We should go back," he managed to get out and turned to get the coats.

Brenda stood alone as he collected their things. Jason looked hot; and she didn't mean hot-good-looking, she meant hot and bothered. His eyes had been dark and his skin was flushed. She had never seen him like that. But she liked it.

With a plan quickly forming in her mind, she grabbed the bottle they had already bought on her way out, following Jason for the long walk home.

***

"Have you ever seen an albino squirrel?" Brenda slurred as she stumbled along behind Jason. He didn't answer. She had taken that bottle when they left and he saw it was practically empty. He would have noticed how much she had gulped down earlier, but he was so concentrated on the path and _not _looking at her that he hadn't noticed. Now that he thought about it, maybe she would forget everything that happened. Not that anything _did _happen. It was only a look.

"Jason," she murmured. "Did you know that I love buffalo wings?"

He exhaled as they moved on. She stumbled a little heavily and tumbled to the ground with a laugh. He stopped and bent to help her. She was still laughing when she yanked him down and he plopped to sit.

"Brenda," he sighed at her playing. At least she wasn't a violent drunk.

She was giggling still and she moved on top of him suddenly, her legs straddling him and her arms wrapping around him.

"Brenda, what are you..." he barely murmured moments before she sighed happily and leaned forward to take his lips. He felt the press of her hotly against him and he froze when her mouth seized his.

She kissed him, in her drunken stupor, with enthusiasm but he wasn't responding. Her arms clutched him tighter as she kept on.

Jason could feel her kisses down to his toes and her hot little hands were holding his head, keeping him blissfully still. Her body pushed against his and her lips, burning into his head, was all too much. He surrendered finally and kissed her back.

Brenda felt him break and he was suddenly holding her to him, his arms hauling her as close to his hard body as possible. Instead of her kissing him, her mouth was _his_ all of the sudden as he powerfully tasted inside, making her quiver through her core.

Jason stopped just as suddenly as he had started, his head falling so he did not have to look at her. "Brenda, we have to stop."

"Why?" she sighed, her hands smoothing at the back of his neck.

"You're drunk," he replied, parting himself from her to stand.

"So what?" she laughed as he pulled her to her feet.

"Come on."

He started off and she paused. Well, her experiment sort of worked. She had decided she would test him, just to see if he'd ever reciprocate any action. She had been pouring the booze on the path as they walked along so the effects of the drink she had earlier had nearly disappeared. But she could hide behind the 'drunk' story for anything she did.

The experiment worked in the sense that he had responded - and very well. God, he kissed amazing. But the problem was she still didn't know if he had stopped to protect her because she was drunk or was it for something else? Sonny came to mind more than anything else. If she weren't drunk, would he have stopped still, was what she wondered.

It would all have to be figured out later. He was starting off and she couldn't let her cover slip. She caught up with him, still playing drunk, and looked up at the stars.

"Do you think kittens can get angry?"

...


	7. What You Wish For

Hey kiddos :) I'm working through finals at university right now so I am writing, they're just shorter chapters, leading up to the more important ones. :D But I'm still here, I promise. I would tell you if I decided not to write anymore; I hate when stories just stop one day without notice. I wouldn't do that to you all. ;)

Thank you dearly for all the great feedback! Please keep it coming (and tell me if you'd like to see more Sonny/Jax or if you want strictly Brazen. I'm a go for all the Brenda ships, honestly; I love all the boys who love Bren. So drop me a note as to what you prefer! :D)

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What You Wish For

The days past slowly as Brenda struggled to find things to occupy her time. She knew Sonny was working on finding Alcazar but with his best bait in hiding, it would take a bit longer. She was ready to simply go back and be the bait that they needed but Jason had convinced her to wait: that they would take the necessary action when the time was right.

She sighed as she climbed into the other side of the bed, the usual routine, and nuzzled into the pillow on her side. Jason lay, in his dark tank top, as he breathed evenly but she knew he was still awake; he wouldn't go to sleep until he believed she was.

She looked out, past him, to the window at the foreign, tropical environment.

"When I get home, the first thing I'm going to get is a cappuccino."

Jason's head turned to face her and she smiled at the thought of the coffee.

"Then, maybe start looking for a job."

He watched her with interest; it was the first reference to the future she had made to him that didn't involve her institutionalization. She seemed to notice it as well as she laughed at herself.

"Do you realize I haven't talked about my illness at all since we've been here?"

"Yes," he noted. He had noticed. "Maybe it's good for you here; it takes your mind off of your problems."

"Maybe it would be a lot better with cable TV," she remarked and he faced the ceiling. "No, you're right, Jason. Being away from Port Charles and the people that I spent so long trying to avoid does keep my mind off the reason I was trying to avoid them."

He glanced at her as she was gazing aimlessly at the sheet in her hand, lost in her thoughts. She faced him with a smile. "Who knew going away with you would make me feel better?"

Brenda watched him return her steady gaze that bordered on staring.

"Anyway," she broke suddenly, turning back to peer at the sheet. "Maybe we should just take off and roam around Europe. There's this amazing beach near Cannes…"

"Do I look like I'm going to lounge around on the beach?" he remarked.

"Yeah, I forgot. It would take an act of _Congress_ to get you to take your shirt off in public."

He snickered at her barb as he watched the ceiling fan again.

"What do you want to do?" she sincerely asked, watching him closely. "…after this is over with."

"I don't know," he murmured.

She glanced at her fingers wrapping in the sheets. "You want to stay in Port Charles, don't you? You want to be near Sonny."

Jason opened his mouth to respond but paused. She took the moment to go on.

"It's okay," she shrugged. "I know Port Charles is home to you and you probably have people there you care about. I don't want to take you away from someone…"

She trailed at the end. Why had she never considered that Jason was giving up someone special to devote himself to her in her remaining time? She had always considered him heartless but she knew, now, why women cared for him. And that he genuinely cared for them in return.

"No," he answered, facing her and taking her by surprise. "I mean, yes, there are people I care about… Sonny. Carly. But I wouldn't be leaving anyone special. If you need to go, we'll go."

Brenda stared in awe at his complete dedication to her. And by the warmth in his eyes, she could see it was not about keeping her away from Sonny anymore. It was something else.

Again, she had to lighten the air as she began to speak. "I could show you this great place I found in Florence; they have the most delicious calzone."

Jason smiled and closed his eyes to sleep again. If someone had told him five or six years ago that he would be looking forward to roaming Europe with Brenda, he would have laughed at them. Yet here he was, almost excited about the idea. When this was finally over.

His thoughts slowed when he realized that he was looking forward to Alcazar being gone so he and Brenda could get on with their lives. It was the thought of "their" lives, insinuating their life together, that worried him most.

Jason lay feeling completely at ease; it was a strange feeling. Usually he awoke abruptly, hearing a faint noise, or from some uneasy dream. But now he was calm and felt rested, warm and safe.

His conscious mind started to come to him slowly – he didn't _want_ to wake up, really – but the light from the window refused to be ignored. Something small moved along his stomach; across his skin; and he forced his eyes to open. He was greeted with the sight of why he was so warm: Brenda laid upon him halfway, as though cuddling a large pillow, her head resting on his chest and her arm draped across his middle. That slight touch, he realized at the same time, was her hand; in her sleep, it had wormed beneath his tank to the warmth of his skin.

Jason carefully kept his breathing slow so not to wake her but he couldn't tear his gaze from the sight of her peacefully holding him – no: _clinging_ to him. They had fallen asleep apart but found their way together during the night and he couldn't remember the last time he slept so well.

He noted, then, that his own arm was holding her to him just as securely as she held him.

He had to get out of this. Quick. She was so soft against him and he was foolishly thinking about that smoldering kiss that happened only days ago. He wished he could feel her hands over more of him. Wished she would run her hand up his side, touching every inch of him. But this was Brenda. He couldn't even fathom of ever acting on any of these desires that he had been having for far too long.

Jason began to try to slide away, but he hadn't moved two inches when her head raised swiftly; she was still jumpy and probably would always be with Alcazar on the loose.

Brenda woke from her blissfully deep sleep and the scene seeped into her mind quickly. Jason was there; she was halfway on top of Jason. He was watching her, cautiously, when she woke. Her hand was under his shirt: his skin was hot beneath the pads of her fingers.

Brenda slowly looked up into his eyes, trying not to feel his hard chest rising and falling or how soothed her body had been next to his. His crystal blue eyes were watching her with uncertainty. Even though in their heads they knew this was a problem, their bodies were more than comfortable and fit perfectly together. The fact that they both felt so right against one another was not lost on either of them.

"Sorry," she murmured, moving away as soon as she realized she had stared a while too long.

He let her go and felt the instant loss of her. And he knew it hadn't been just physical.

"It's okay," he murmured as he sat up. "I'm going to go, uh…" He tried to think of a quick excuse but she already knew it was an escape and welcomed it from the awkwardness.

"Yeah," she agreed without delay.

"Okay," he stated then immediately exited.

Sonny turned when he heard the sound of his front door knock. He strolled over and carefully opened it to find Jax impatiently waiting.

"Where's Brenda?"

"Don't worry about it," Sonny answered simply.

"You better tell me where the hell she is-"

"Somewhere safe," he interrupted.

"With you lackey, Jason?" Jax accused. Sonny gave him his patented blank stare. "I heard about the shooting at that restaurant," Jax went on. "Brenda's in danger and you have her somewhere. I need to get to her."

Sonny sighed with boredom. "You know what, Jax, you could help Brenda by staying out of it."

"_You_ do not get to decide what is best for Brenda. You can't keep her hidden from me."

"Is that what I'm doing?" Sonny murmured.

"Tell me where she is," Jax growled.

"You would only compromise her safety. Stay out of it."

"I'm going to find her," he promised.

"Sure. You could do that. And you might as well lead Alcazar right to her."

"Alcazar has gone underground, hasn't he? What's your plan, keep Brenda hidden away where only you and your lackey can get to her forever?"

Sonny paused before starting. "I don't have to explain anything to you. If Brenda wanted you to know something, she would have _told_ you."

"Yeah, unless you shipped her off before she had the chance."

"What do you think: that I'm holding her hostage?" Sonny nearly laughed.

"No, I think you're having your cake and eating it too. I think you're married but you're keeping Brenda nearby for your own self-indulgent fantasies."

"And you're here why?" he remarked. "You're going to stand there and ask me to believe that your desire to get to Brenda has nothing to do with you still loving her?"

Jax snickered. "Mine and Brenda's relationship is none of your concern."

"No, but I bet it's your wife's concern," Sonny added. Jax shook his head at the endless arguments he could have with this man whom he hated more than any other.

"I'm going to give you one last chance. And know that I have to get to Brenda to tell her something that's going to change the rest of her life."

"Maybe you should tell me first."

"Maybe it's none of your business," he snapped.

Sonny shrugged and reached for the door to shut it. Jax's free hand that did not lean on the cane stopped the door.

"Alcazar paid off the doctors. They were lying to her: she's not dying."

Sonny froze and glared at his most bitter rival as Jax's words sank in. 

Jason glanced up from the tiny game he played on his cell phone to see Brenda silently weaving three strings together.

"What are you doing?"

"Curing cancer. Can't you tell?" she remarked as she continued braiding the pieces. He puffed in response, going back to his game. "Are you this talkative with all your wives?"

Jason made a bored face to her before she exhaled at her own boredom. "Seriously: what do you talk about with your… friends? Do you have friends? Girlfriends. Whatever."

"Stuff."

" 'Stuff'. Stuff like, world peace? Or more like 'What do you think of my white horse, Cinderella?'."

Again he gave her an annoyed glance and she settled back into the sofa. "I just wonder what you talk about after you rescue those girls. Do their moony eyes at you fill the time or are you forced to actually speak about something?"

"Could you stop talking about them?" he pleaded.

"I'm just saying. Have you ever thought about being with a girl who _wasn't_ a damsel in distress? Someone who didn't need to be rescued or need your help?"

"You need my help," he pointed out.

"That's different," she dismissed. "We have a _partnership_. I don't **idolize** you; I know you too well."

He nodded absently as he tried to pay attention to the game.

"The thing with those relationships," she went on, "is they don't last."

"Because you've been in so many," he sarcastically retorted.

"I've seen enough. And yours have gone _so well_," she remarked with equal sarcasm as he cast a look at her. "The minute you stop playing hero, what's left?"

"I do my job. I don't stand around and decide one day to like someone. It just _happens_ while doing my job. And I know those girls paint me out as something I'm not." He paused, before going on, a bit softer. "But sometimes it's good because I don't go through the things I do loving it all the time. Sometimes I need someone to look at me and not see a killer."

"But wouldn't it be better to just find someone who knows who you are, who knows what you do and just accepts it? Not someone who believes that illusion: who has some schoolgirl fantasy. But someone who you wouldn't have to be ashamed of yourself in front of."

"Yeah, that would be great. Have anyone in mind?" he said sarcastically and she sighed at the dead end. "Not that you're one to talk on successful relationships," he muttered, facing his game again.

"I resent that. I've had successful relationships," she disputed. Jason nearly snorted in disbelief and her mouth fell open then offered as example, "Jax."

"Yeah, too bad you were in love with Sonny the entire time you were with him," he remarked.

"I was n-" she stopped herself from arguing. "We were happy," she concluded. "That makes it a successful relationship."

"I don't understand why you don't just go for him now," he faced her, expectantly.

"He's married."

"You still love him, though," he carried on then added, "For some reason. Hell, you still love Sonny."

She shook her head at his statements. "If you were with someone that made you happy and you wanted to be with them, then Robin came back to town, could you honestly say that you would not still love her?"

Jason didn't answer verbally; his silence was enough of a response.

"Like you said," she stated, "You don't wake up one day and decide to start loving someone. Well, you can't decide _not_ to love them anymore either. You just… keep going. And hope there's someone else out there who is looking for something again too."

There was a calm silence through the room as they sat motionless. The harsh sound of the power failing rang through the house, suddenly, as Brenda jumped and they were cloaked in darkness.

Waiting only a moment, she whispered, "What happened?"

Jason peered at the windows, his eyes darting to each one as he quietly responded, "Someone cut our power."

He set the cell phone down, silently standing and reaching for his gun on the side table. He motioned with a nod for her to follow him to the wall next to the front door and he made sure she was plastered against its side. She watched him, waiting for further instruction and he held a finger to his lips. His gun was raised and in position as he waited to hear anyone other than themselves approaching or moving in the house.

The jolting cry of the cell phone pierced the silence as Jason and Brenda jerked with surprise. Jason watched the hallway from the bedroom as the phone went on. The front door slammed open suddenly, a man with a gun drawn rushing in. Jason grabbed him at his shoulders, pulling him down to fiercely connect with his knee shoving into the man's stomach. Brenda watched the man tumble to the ground as Jason checked the area outside, gun aimed and ready. He was betting this was the man from the front and there would be more coming from the other sides.

"Come on," he whispered to her and hurried out the front door towards the surrounding woods.

They moved into the wooded area but only after the other men spotted their escape. Brenda ducked with surprise as they ran when the sound of shots coming at them filled the air. Jason fired back to fend off their pursuit and the two kept on through the woods, rushing until they couldn't hear the men following anymore.

***

Sonny slowly set the phone down and Jax looked at him, expectantly.

"What?" he asked.

"Jason's not picking up," Sonny murmured.

"Something's wrong," Jax insisted and Sonny knew that he may just be right. Jason would never leave his phone unattended, especially not when he hiding out it was the only way to contact Sonny.

Something was wrong.

…


	8. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Okay, I got it: No Sonny and Jax! :D Not a problem. I'm writing to please you gals (and guys, if you're out there). And Carolyn – did you say my finals be damned?! LMAO! Yeah, I have them this week but, of course, I had to get another chapter out before I actually crack down and study. :) Expect the next part up soon too; I've got to get this baby going. The good stuff is coming up. ;) 

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Crazy Little Thing Called Love

"How?" was all Brenda could ask.

She and Jason had been wandering in the woods since they escaped the ones following them. They were definitely lost. In the jungle. In the middle of the night.

"They couldn't have followed us," he started, leading her further through the woods. It was best they kept moving, just in case the men were still after them. "The only contact we've had was when I called Sonny to tell him where we were – that was a cell phone call." He turned to her abruptly. "Does Alcazar have the kind of contacts that could get a trace like that?"

"I don't know," she muttered, with worry. "Maybe."

Jason exhaled in frustration. She saw the anger in his eyes but also an edge of something else creeping in. It looked a bit like fear.

"Are you afraid of Luis?" she demanded to know immediately as he kept on.

"It's not about that, Brenda," he snapped back. "It's knowing what we're up against. I had no idea he had that level of surveillance."

"Well, you might as well give up now," she sarcastically retorted. The fear, pressure and adrenaline were all making her irrational. She wanted to scream at what Luis had made her life. Wandering through forests in the middle of the tropics, constantly paranoid that he was waiting in every shadow, fleeing in fear from a life with him. What would she do if Jason did decide to abandon her? She would have to run by herself for the rest of her coherent years.

Jason dismissed her comment with a quick shake of his head.

"No, I mean it, Jason. It would be easier on everyone if you just ditched me; I mean, why fight Luis? He's too strong; he's got too many connections to beat," she went on, sure that this was the beginning of her mind going. She couldn't stop rambling; her voice was raising and she was trying to convince him to abandon her.

"Why don't you just leave me here?" she found herself suddenly exclaiming. Jason whirled to face her swiftly, clutching her arms firmly to pull her to stop.

"Shut up! I will not leave you!" he yelled to convince her.

There were tears she didn't know she was shedding sliding down her cheeks as she watched his eyes. He was confident and certain in his words and she wondered how she had ever gotten off on such a tangent that would doubt him.

But her tears ate through him and he pulled her to him, his arms holding her securely.

"I swear I won't leave. I won't leave you," he quietly assured her, his hand softly resting in her soft hair to embrace her easily. "I won't ever." She melted into him, her body tired from physical and mental exhaustion, and she clutched at him tightly. She didn't realize how badly she had come to depend on him and she didn't know what she would do without him now.

"Come on," he murmured, always thinking of her safety. "We have to keep moving."

Brenda glanced up at the camera in the hotel as she and Jason stood at the front desk. After finding the road and loosely following it, they decided it would be better to get lost in a crowd than to be stranded in the middle of nowhere as they had been before. They made it to the nearest big city on the primary island a day later. But as she watched the lens film surveillance of the lobby, her arms crossed securely around her as she impatiently tapped her chin, she thought of the ever-watchful eye of cameras. She wondered if Luis could get that surveillance too. Hell, if he could get cell phone traces, there wasn't a lot more he _couldn't_ get.

Jason got the key from the man and led her to the elevator.

"What's my name?" she asked as the doors closed. She was getting the hang of this hiding-out thing.

"We're the Smiths," he informed her. "You're Alice. I'm Sam."

"Sam and Alice Smith? Good Lord, could you have picked worse names?" she criticized.

"I'll give you the honor of doing it next time, Alice," he remarked, stepping off the elevator and reaching their door. She slowed as he tried the key.

"How many 'next time's will there be?"

"I'm going to call Sonny and see where he is," he replied, entering the room.

"What about the trace?"

"There's a secure line in case of emergencies; he'll get the message then call me back from it," he said as he dialed a number into the phone immediately.

Brenda softly sat onto the bed, wondering if Luis was on his way to find them where they were at that very second.

"How long do we wait?" Brenda asked, stopping in the doorway from the bedroom. It was well into the night and hours since Jason left a message for Sonny.

Jason shook his head with a shrug as he turned his gun over in his hand again. "Until he calls."

"What if he doesn't? What if something happened to him?" she reasoned. "We just sit here and wait until Luis's men come barreling through the door again?"

"We're safe here," he assured her and checked the clip in his gun again. "You should get some sleep."

"Yeah, you should too. You look just like I feel."

Jason glanced up at her and could see the exhaustion in her eyes. "I'm serious; you need to lay down."

Brenda saw he had no intention of sleeping with her around. As if he had to stay up to keep guard. Her arms crossed protectively as she stared down at the carpet and decided to be honest with him; it was the only way he would understand.

"I can't."

"What?"

"I can't go to sleep," she clarified seeing his baffled expression.

"Why not?"

"I don't know; I mean, I'm sure it's psychological or whatever but. I just can't."

Jason watched her speak curtly and to the point. When she was talking about something she really didn't want to, she did that. Normally she was able to ramble when she talked but when it was about something real, and painful, she tried to say as little about it as possible.

"Brenda, if you're afraid, you don't have to be," he replied. "I'm going to be right here in this next room."

She shrugged with a small smile. "Doesn't matter."

His brow was furrowed with confusion as he studied her. "But you _can_ sleep," he argued. "You slept every night when I was there."

Brenda slowly nodded, still not able to meet his eyes and he made the connection.

"Wait a minute," he said. "Are you saying you can't fall asleep unless I'm there?"

She may have been holding her breath; he couldn't tell. But he definitely could see the mask that she had put on to guard herself; it was expressionless, but it was an admission, nonetheless.

The thought that she needed him next to her before she could let her defenses down struck him to the core. And if was just about being protected, she would be fine with him in the next room. But it was more than that.

Jason stood slowly; she still hadn't looked at him; and he nodded toward the room. "I'll be in in a sec."

"Forget it," she murmured and turned back to the bedroom, as if just then realizing what she had revealed to him.

Jason sighed as she closed the bedroom door. He knew their previous ideas of one another was the primary reason they did what they did. If he were anyone else, she would never be so defensive but they had such a history. It was as if she felt she had to put up higher walls because he was "Jason" to her – the one she always fought with. And he had to stop himself from thinking of her as who she used to be to him as well. Being with her now, he knew better.

He went ahead checking all the windows, exits and such. He went over his weapons, keeping the gun on him always. After all the precautionary errands, half an hour had passed and he turned the lights off in the living room.

Jason carefully opened the bedroom door, sliding in silently. Brenda pushed herself up from her side urgently at the sound of the door opening and he gently spoke.

"It's me."

"I thought I locked it," she grated out. He recognized her voice was hoarse and it sounded as though she had been crying. He wasn't arrogant enough to speculate that it was about him at all; he was sure it was more about her life now. On the run, hiding out and afraid for her life. Afraid of Luis Alcazar.

He did lock the door and she hesitantly lay back on her side as he went to the other side of the bed. He looked upon her small frame beneath the sheets highlighted by the slight moonlight as he peeled away his shirt. Shedding the jeans last, he carefully climbed under the cover. He paused for a moment, glancing at her back facing him. He could see by the way she crouched over, she was taking great care at hiding her face. She was still weeping.

Jason slowly edged closer, his warm hand resting on her arm, as he settled to lie behind her.

Brenda clenched her eyes shut, willing herself to stop crying. The feel of him supporting her so steadfast, made her feel so much more at ease. She even sank back into him, desperate for some steady force in her life.

When her soft body rested next to his, Jason's eyes drifted shut at the glorious sensation. Her hand slowly reached back, taking his, and pulled his arm around her waist.

Jason's head hit his pillow with surrender, realizing she knew what she was doing to him. But he didn't want to fight her; it felt too good to hold her this way to fight it.

"Goodnight," she murmured. It was symbolic more than anything else. They had shared moments before but were always able to mask it with one excuse or another. Now, he was holding her, so closely to him, in bed and she was speaking: making sure he acknowledged that what they were doing, they were doing it consciously. Not because she was drunk, not because they were half asleep, but because they _wanted_ to.

"Night," he whispered, the sweet scent of her enveloping his senses.

It was far too late to deny that pounding in his heart now. He really loved her.

…


	9. I'm With You

This, my friends, is what's called "cutting to the chase". :-) And for all those who are faint-of-heart, you best avoid it. This is the good stuff. It's not rated R for no reason, you know. Thanks for the 'good luck's on my finals! I love your guys' comments! You're the sweetest.

And I know I promised no Sonny/Jax but I'm all about realism (well, as much as one can be in the world of GH) and we all know they wouldn't disappear from Brenda's life completely so I have to add them in every now and then. No worries; I'm Brazen all the way. :-) So get on with the show.

__

I'm With You

Jason held the curtain slightly aside as he peered down at the street below. Brenda entered the living room with her plate of food that room service had brought up. Abandoning the horrible television, she had decided Jason would be better entertainment than _that_ programming.

"Something's wrong," she stated, folding into the chair at the small table. "Don't you think? It's been nearly two days and Sonny hasn't called."

Jason hadn't moved as he observed the surroundings of the busy street.

"Maybe he went after Luis?" Brenda went on. "Maybe he found him but had to track him down somewhere."

Jason knew something was askew but he wasn't sure what. Alcazar was definitely not in Port Charles. He was close.

She noticed he wasn't responding to her. She knew he was listening, though; even when he pretended he wasn't, he always heard her.

"And I think maybe Carly was abducted by aliens and Sonny revealed himself to be a government official who was undercover the whole time and who was just trying to scout a human to be taken."

Jason's brow furrowed slightly at her comments but he didn't take his eyes off of whatever was on the street.

"All right," she sighed as she stood. "What is it?"

"There's a guy that's surveying the place," he murmured. "He was here before we were."

"What does that mean?"

"It means Alcazar probably has men at all the major hotels, reporting in to him if they see us."

Brenda sighed with resignation. Jason turned to meet her eyes as she said, "So we're running again."

"Not yet," he replied. "We'll wait one more day for Sonny. If he doesn't call… We'll have to find somewhere else to hide."

"We could get lost in Europe," Brenda noted, picking up a deck of cards and settling into the couch.

"Yeah, I thought about it," he said, taking one last glance at the guy below then going to the coffee table as well. "He may just follow us, though. The airports are probably being monitored just like the hotels."

Brenda dealt the cards through the silence. She laughed to herself for a moment and he gave her a curious look.

"What?" he inquired.

"I still can't believe sometimes that we got married in Vegas," she grinned. Jason smiled gently and she went on. "I mean, what do you think we would have said if someone told us five or six years ago that we would elope – that the first marriage we ever had would be to each other?"

Jason's smile grew as he observed his cards.

"Still," she quietly continued. "It's not as bad as I thought it would be."

He allowed himself to glance at her and she was watching her cards. "Yeah," he agreed.

They played the cards in silence for a long while until she spoke suddenly.

"I can't do this much longer."

He looked up at her, knowing she wasn't talking about the cards.

"Hiding in random hotels from goons. Do you think I want to spend the rest of my coherent years running from Luis?"

"It will be over soon," he promised. "I'll make sure of it."

"You can't guarantee that," she stated. "Besides, Luis will kill you just as easily as he will Jax or Sonny; if you're in his way, he'll just remove you."

"He won't kill me-"

"What if he does?" she snapped and he heard her throat beginning to close. She nervously rubbed her forehead saying, "What if he catches us off guard and kills you…"

"Brenda," he quietly stopped her with his hand settling on hers upon her. She gazed into him.

"You're all I have now… You're the only one. You promised you wouldn't leave but what if you can't keep that promise – what if he kills you? I can't do this without you. You're the only one."

Jason felt his heart fall from his chest at her words. She spoke the truth but he could see in her eyes she wasn't talking about being the only one who could protect her; she meant he was the only one for her. And he couldn't think of anything to say to comfort her.

Her hand turned in his to grasp it, begging for reassurance. He had to prove to her that he was there and always would be there for her. He wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

Brenda saw the nearly desperate longing in his eyes to do something. She knew him; knew his self-control was stronger than anyone's; and that he would never do anything, no matter how much he wanted to.

She cautiously leaned closer in what felt like an eternity before she was near his lips. He felt him incline to her the slightest bit and their lips touched in the softest of caress. Her heart was pounding and she prayed he would take her lips like he had that night. But he only teased with his hot mouth and she pressed into him more.

It was then that his senses came back to him and Jason pulled away instantly. He stood almost as quickly and she followed, baffled by his immediate withdraw.

"I can't," he murmured, his head lowered as if he could not look her in the eye.

Brenda glared at him for a long moment, then realized what he was saying. She turned on heel in angry retreat. Jason grabbed her arm to stop her and the motion pulled her close into him as he went on with explanation.

"Listen," he started quietly as she gazed aimlessly. "I couldn't do that to Sonny-"

"Don't you dare," she growled, looking into his eyes. "Don't you dare act like you are betraying _Sonny_ by this."

His hand tightened on her arm as he replied, "Sonny loves you. And he's my best friend. Where does that put me?"

"Sonny has moved on!" she exclaimed.

"That doesn't change how he feels about you."

"He doesn't matter, that's what I'm trying to tell you."

"He _does_ matter."

She jerked her arm free from his grasp with a scoff. "I am so sick of this macho bullshit that everyone seems to be under the influence of. Because I was with Sonny _ages_ ago, he has some right over me??"

"No, maybe it's because you're the love of his life," Jason snapped.

"_Sonny_ is not out here, risking his life for me. _Sonny_ is not the one that I've been thinking about for the past three weeks. And he's not who I want now."

"Yeah, who will you want tomorrow?" he angrily remarked and she froze at his cruel comment. "How do I know you don't still want Sonny? Or Jax? You still love them, don't you?"

Brenda stared at him, patiently letting him have his say. She could see he was agitated most by this topic: of Sonny and Jax.

"So when you say you want me now, what am I supposed to think? I'm just supposed to believe you? You're not really known for sticking with one guy. When this is over, we'll go back and you'll head straight for Jax or Sonny or whoever you feel like at the moment."

He seemed like he was finished and she took a slow breath. "When did you become so afraid of me?"

Jason wondered how she figured that out even before he had. He was terrified of her. "I've seen what you do to people that love you."

"Which is?"

"They become so enamored with you, they can't see straight," he muttered.

"So, what, you're trying to protect yourself from me?"

He was glaring at the floor but he glanced up at her calm expression as she waited for a response. Her brows raised with a shrug.

"It's too late for that, isn't it?"

Jason felt his heart beating in his chest and he knew, then, she was right. He moved with purpose, sweeping in, his hands smoothing along her face, as he took her lips. The hot taste of her shook him and he only wanted more.

Brenda felt him come to her like a wave of warmth which she clung next to her body. His mouth opened to her and she trembled inside from his demanding kiss. The gentle protector he always had to play with those girls he had been with was unnecessary with her and he was releasing his true desire upon her.

Her entire body was quaking with excitement as his hands smoothed down her back, along her thighs, pulling her up easily so she was suddenly straddling him standing. She couldn't release his lips, though, staying firmly anchored by the burning sensation. She was so caught up in how amazing his kisses were, she didn't realize they were in the bedroom. When he set her on the bed, parting them momentarily, she felt the absence of him like a heavy dread in the pit of her stomach. Her irrational ache for him was all she could feel.

His clothes had melted away and as he helped hers off as well, she had the fleeting thought that she had never seen Jason so carried away. She really loved it.

When she was adequately bare, he pressed forward to take her lips again and the deep dread in her stomach from not touching him was quenched. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, guiding him down upon the bed. He kissed her softer now, as if she were cherished, and she welcomed him as he shifted atop of her.

Brenda gasped, her hands digging into his arms, as he pressed forward. He met her eyes, silently asking if she were all right, and her legs surrounded him tighter. Jason kissed her fiercely, loving the never-ending supply of emotional strength she seemed to draw from.

She pulled him close against her, whispering his name into his ear, as they began. Her body was on fire and she could not get enough of him as he hungrily took what she so readily offered.

The telephone ringing jarred Jason awake and he quickly swiped it off the hook. He took a second to glance on the other side of the bed, seeing Brenda lying on her stomach, peacefully asleep in the pillow.

He sat up as he answered the phone in a quiet murmur. "Hello?"

"I just got the message," Sonny stated.

"Is everything all right?"

"Everything's fine," he lied. He was having problems with Carly but Sonny didn't air his marital fights with Jason. "How's Brenda?"

Jason froze then glanced aside at her sleeping naked beneath the sheets next to him. He swallowed and carefully turned to sit on the edge of his side.

"She's fine," he murmured. "Is there any progress on Alcazar?"

"I have people down there looking for him. Listen, I think you should head back. Alcazar knows where you are so there's no use trying to hide out. You'd be better protected here anyway."

"Yeah. Will you have a guy at the airport? You know Alcazar's watching them."

"I'll send a guy there," he confirmed. "How's Brenda holding up under all this?"

Again, Jason slowed and mentally told himself that he couldn't do that every time Sonny asked about her.

"She's holding up okay."

"You're taking care of her? You're not fighting all the time, are you? Under all this pressure, she doesn't really need added fights."

For a moment, Jason felt a tiny bit defensive. He knew how to handle Brenda and he knew how to take care of her. He found himself thinking that her well-being really wasn't Sonny's business anymore.

"We're not fighting all the time," he only answered. "I have it under control."

"All right. I'll send a guy to the airport to meet you in the morning. The jet will be there by 9am."

"Yeah," Jason nodded and they hung up. He sat in the dark, silent room for a second, gathering his plans.

"_You_ have **me** under control?" Brenda's voice, laced with disbelief, came suddenly. Jason turned to see her awake, looking up at him. "Please."

He tried to stop the smile that was threatening to be revealed. He couldn't so he let his back face her again.

"What's the plan?" she quietly asked.

"We're going back."

"To Port Charles?"

He nodded and worry began to fill her. Port Charles meant so many things, most of all, seeing the people she used to love so dearly. And, as a matter of fact, whom she suspected still loved her. It was facing all that history and issues and she was just starting with Jason. God, _Jason_. No one would believe her for a second. Could she survive in Port Charles with him? Here, they were alone and they didn't have to worry about what others thought or their past relationships. But there… Everything was different.

"When do we go?" she murmured.

"In the morning. The nearest airport is an hour away so you should get some sleep."

She saw the clock read 2am and she sat up, holding the sheet to her chest. "I'm not tired." Jason faced her again and recognized the cool acceptance in her. "Let's go now."

The road was dark as the cab drove them through the wooded area. They had sneaked out of the back of the hotel successfully and gotten the cab, now halfway to the airport. She almost didn't even want to go back; she felt safer in the middle of nowhere with Jason than she did in a "secure" penthouse in a town full of thousands of people.

They sat in silence as they went, the driver not even speaking. The car slowed and Jason sat forward to see why. There was a car blocking the way in the middle of the road.

"What is it?" Jason asked the driver.

"I don't know," he shrugged.

Jason surveyed the scene quickly then moved. "Get out," he instructed Brenda whom swiftly did so. He guided her to the woods just next to the car as the sound of gun shots seemed to whiz by. They were running further into the woods and the guns stopped. That's when they heard it.

"Brenda!" Alcazar's voice yelled through the pitch black morning.

She nearly stopped from the shock - that he was so close – but Jason was pulling her further through the woods, running parallel to the road so they were still heading for the airport. His gun was drawn in his free hand as they kept on, hearing Alcazar's men following nearby.

Brenda grasped Jason's hand like a lifeline; they were completely alone, surrounded by Luis's men. And they would kill Jason in a heartbeat.

Jason caught sight of one of the men ahead of them – they had taken posts further down the road to catch them if they escaped the first barricade. He pulled the gun forward, making sure he had the shot – there was only one clip with ten bullets and who knows how many men were out there. The man was hit but another appeared next to him. Jason made that shot after he steered Brenda to crouch in the brush they were standing in, to hide her.

The ones behind them had caught up and she saw them first. "Jason!" she yelled in warning and he whirled around, finding three men racing toward them, pistols aimed at him.

Jason crouched and shot up into each, landing two bullets in each due to their sheer size. After getting a few shots off at the two, the men fell. Jason reached blindly to take her hand to run again but she was no longer crouching next to him. He turned with haste and saw her lying on her back, blood beginning to pool at her shoulder. A near panic rushed through him at the sight of her shot and he leaned over her. She looked dazed; almost in shock at the idea that she had been shot.

"Jason?" she asked at the horrified look on his face.

"You're all right," he murmured a reassurance, more to himself than to her. He wanted to pick her up but didn't want to move her; he had to stop the bleeding but wasn't sure how, being in the thick of the woods with Alcazar coming.

She tried to sit up but he stopped her and she winced from the shooting pain down her side. She'd never felt anything like it; she thought her side might be going numb.

Jason heard shuffling from one of the men he had hit but, apparently, not killed. He quickly saw the man raising a gun at him and he shot him directly.

The blood was coating her shirt and he knew they couldn't stay. "I'm going to pick you up, Brenda," he calmly warned her. "It's going to hurt."

She nodded, so light-headed her mind was swimming from the pain. Jason set his gun down and moved to slide his arms beneath her.

"Get away from her," Alcazar's cold demanding tone suddenly echoed nearby. Jason slowly looked up at the man who held a gun pointed at him.

"Your men shot her; I've got to get her to a doctor."

Alcazar's eyes flashed at her lying limply on the ground with an edge of worry but he turned back to Jason's piercing glare.

"I'll take care of that," he sneered. "Stand up."

Jason cautiously came to his feet and Brenda suddenly exclaimed, "Luis!"

With Alcazar's attention successfully distracted, Jason lunged at him, grabbing his wrists and pulling the gun up, away from aiming at him. They struggled and Alcazar kicked Jason's feet from under him, knocking him down. He took the moment to slam the butt of the gun against Jason's head, causing him to crumble to his knees.

He snickered at the sight, Jason holding his head, trying to clear his mind, trying to stand, and Alcazar's gun extended at his head.

"One less obstacle taken care of," he muttered with satisfaction, his finger clenching on the trigger.

The shot thundered through the quiet wood leaving the resonating boom in its wake. Alcazar was frozen in shock as he looked down at his chest, the hole swiftly creating a stain of red upon his shirt. His head raised to see Brenda holding Jason's gun in a shaking hand. His gaze of disbelief and wonderment glazed over as he slumped to the ground.

Jason couldn't see well; his vision was fuzzy; but he heard Alcazar fall over and knew he'd been shot. He turned his head and saw Brenda standing with his gun still pointed at Alcazar's dead body, the blood from her shoulder coating most of her side now. She was trembling, her face fixed with so many things. Shock. Fear. Amazement.

He saw her sway suddenly and knew she was going down. He forced himself to crawl to her as she fell and he caught her from hitting the ground. With the blood loss, the adrenaline and the shock, her body had too much.

Jason's head was still foggy but she would bleed to death if they didn't make it to a hospital. He hauled her up into his arms and stood with great difficulty, heading back to the car.

…


	10. I Don't Like Mondays

First things first: I'm so very sorry. There wasn't really a way for me to tell you guys that my computer had been in the shop or I was (am?) becoming royally pissed at GH and the way they're treating Brazen, etc. Lost a little faith for a moment. But I always promise anyone who reads my fics that I will tell you if I have decided to leave it. I will never just let it go without a word. Besides, it was Christmas; that was one good explanation, right? Well. Back to work.

I think it was SG saying, "Where are you?" that made me feel so guilty, I got right on the update right away. Thanks for the kick in the pants. :) And oh, good God, who wrote that "UPDATE" post?? Are you _insane_?! LOL. Okay, on with the stuff.

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I Don't Like Mondays

Brenda's eyes fluttered open and the blinding white hit her senses. Her entire body felt sore; well, from what little she could feel. The rest, she couldn't make out. Maybe it was numb? Was she paralyzed?

She carefully turned her head on the pillow, seeing she was lying in a bed; there were white curtains surrounding it; and she found Jason suddenly catch sight of the movement. He was sitting next to the bed and he looked incredibly concerned yet relieved.

"Where am I?" she grated out, her voice hoarse from lack of use.

"We're in a small hospital, still in the islands. It was too risky to fly out."

Her brow furrowed, trying to piece everything together. "What happened?"

Jason paused. "You don't remember?"

It rushed into her like a flood and she slowly met his eyes. "We were running from Luis and his men. I got shot. And Luis… I kil-"

"You shouldn't talk right now," he murmured in calming tones.

"He was going to kill you."

"But he didn't," he noted. "You saved me."

"I kil-"

"Brenda," he stopped her again. "It's all right."

"Did you make sure? Did you check the body?" she went on, the worry in her heart starting again. Jason calmly nodded, holding her hand in his.

"I made sure."

Her eyes slid shut with relief. When she opened them again, she was gazing ahead. "So I did it."

Jason was close, his voice lowered so no one else could hear. "It was self-defense."

She nodded, though more to confirm to herself that explanation.

"Can we go home now?" she quietly requested.

"Yeah," he slowly replied. "We'll go home."

Jason and Brenda stood in the elevator as it headed up to the penthouse, her arm slung and bandaged heavily. She was on pain killers, those which would soon make her drowsy, but she insisted on getting home, not taking his advice for a wheelchair or assistance.

"I guess you've told Sonny," she stated out of nowhere and he glanced at her.

"About…" He nearly said 'us', but stopped himself. He didn't even know if there was an 'us' with them.

"About Luis," she remarked as though it were obvious.

"Yeah, I had to. Why wouldn't I?" he calmly disputed.

"So he knows everything."

Again, he wasn't sure what 'everything' meant to her. He was about to ask but the elevator doors opened and she exited.

They entered the apartment and the empty place actually made her feel better; it was familiar and that was comforting.

"You should go lie down," Jason suggested.

Brenda paused, her head slightly swirling, but knowing she wanted to speak with him about it as soon as possible.

"Jason, I don't know what you think happened out there," she started and he felt the reality of her rejection sink into him.

"Don't worry about it, Brenda-"

"No, I am," she interrupted. "I want to be straight between us before anything or anyone else comes around."

"You don't have to explain anything," he answered swiftly.

"Shut up, for a second, would you?" she retorted, trying to sound firm but her voice was weak because her head was killing her. She feared it was the beginning of her illness and knew she would have to deal with these kinds of mind-numbing headaches for the rest of her days so she pushed on through it.

Brenda met his eyes as he watched her, the reluctant look in them obvious that he did not want to hear what she wanted to say. But she quietly went on anyway.

"I am so glad we went there," she said. "Because I wouldn't have discovered that I can't go through all of this without you."

There was a swift door knock and it opened as the two turned to see Sonny enter.

"Are you two okay?"

"We're fine," Jason answered, perfectly normal. As though he hadn't just heard her declare the exact opposite of what he expected.

Brenda made the smallest motions of a nod as Sonny inspected her – knowing she had killed Luis herself. He worried about that; he knew what damage taking a life could do to some people.

"Are you sure? You look tired," Sonny gently went on, hardly noticing Jason.

"I am," she admitted. "I was about to go lie down."

"Yeah, you should."

The door swung open to their surprise and Jax entered without invitation, already calling Brenda's name. Relief swept over him when he saw her and approached, making Jason and Sonny step aside. He examined her arm.

"What happened?"

"I'm all right," she insisted.

"Brenda."

"Everything's okay. Luis is gone."

Jax watched her eyes and they were solemn. He knew she was telling the truth, by whatever means she had.

He pushed that aside, wanting only to make her happy and take the sadness from her gaze. With a smile, he said, "I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"I spoke to Dr.Reinmar. I got him to admit he falsely diagnosed you. Alcazar was paying him off to lie to you. I've checked the records – your tests are all negative. You're not sick."

"Jax…" she started with disbelief.

"I swear it, Brenda; I have the tests. You can look at them yourself. You're not dying."

Brenda could have sworn she stopped breathing. She looked from Jax's ecstatic expression to Sonny who watched for a reaction – he obviously knew – and finally to Jason who was just as surprised as she but who watched her also with curiosity. 

The thought of being healthy swam through her mind and it filled with a mix of emotions. Her head, which already whirled from the medication, made her waver and she sat back onto the arm of the couch with a plop. Jason, Sonny and Jax had moved when her eyes had drifted shut and she lost balance but the closest reached her first. Jason's arms steadied her when she sat upon the couch arm and her foggy eyes found his.

"Jason," she murmured. "I need to lay down."

His immediate reaction was to pick her up to take her to the bed but he hesitated when he thought of Sonny there. But the sight of Brenda swaying, her lids half closed and the weight of what she had just learned taking so much toll on her, overrode his concern for Sonny's observations.

Jason picked her up easily and ascended the stairs with her softly lying against him.

Jax convinced himself not to go with her but watching Jason holding her so closely, made him angry. He whirled on Sonny, taking his anger out on the best target. "What happened to her shoulder?"

Sonny sighed a little, never liking to talk to the guy, but finding it a bit cruel to keep this level of important information from him.

"She was shot," he answered simply.

"Shot??"

"One of Alcazar's men."

"And where is Alcazar?"

"Dead."

Jax slowed. "I take it, then, that Jason finished the job."

Sonny met Jax's glare before carefully reporting, "Brenda shot Alcazar."

Jax glanced up at the empty stairs, thinking of the small woman. He knew Alcazar had stolen so much of her life, lied to her and tortured her. And he knew he would have killed the man if he had had the chance as well.

Without another word, Jax left the penthouse, vowing that he'd return tomorrow.

The living room stood silently and Sonny's own gaze turned towards the stairs, wondering why Jason took so long. What was he doing with Brenda? He dismissed those thoughts with a shake of the head and left as well.

Jason laid the cover over her body as he kneeled next to it. Brenda took his hand. "I'll feel better tomorrow," she promised him and herself. He nodded and her hand squeezed his. He smiled slightly as her eyes shut and his hand smoothed her face clear. He leaned forward, kissing her forehead softly, then turning the bedside light off.

Standing, he remembered only then that Brenda was not sick; she was not dying; and the world was open to her now. Before, she had gone to him because she needed him to take care of her and she couldn't do it alone. Now, as soon as her wound healed, she would need no one. And if she did decide she needed someone, there was always Sonny and Jax.

Worry filled him, even as he fought it. But he knew that Brenda being able to live was a completely new ball game in their relationship or soon to be lack thereof.

…


	11. Life In Mono

Okay, update! I was (finally) inspired by the Brazen love I've been seeing on the show (most notably, that scene in the hospital: he calls her brave and she says what I've been writing all along in this fiction, "You're just not used to being around brave girls." WOO! Brenda is _brilliant_. And he didn't dispute it. He knows she's right. So, my Brenda and Jason are just a _smidgen_ further along than Guza's B&J (no, not Ben and Jerry). I like where mine are better.

Again, I apologize for the days between updates (but I am a full-time student, you know) :) And think of it this way: I get inspired by Brazen on the show so if you see something there, I may just have made an update because of it. So if you want more fiction, write to GH and tell them we want more Brazen!!!

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Life in Mono

Brenda absently shook her head as she flipped channels with her good arm on the television in the bedroom. Jason set her drink down on the night stand as she spoke.

"I had no idea daytime television could be so bad. From what I gathered in the past thirty five minutes, this guy is with a blonde girl, who I've taken to call Barbie, who is a complete moron."

"Why are you watching it, then?" he remarked.

"I want to see if he'll get with the right girl in the end," she said, simply.

The door knocked and he went to go get it. As Jason opened the door, he found Jax impatiently waiting behind it.

"What do you want."

"I need to talk to Brenda."

Jason had the distinct urge to shut the door in his face and he realized, now, how Sonny must have felt toward the man for the past five or six years. Instead, knowing he couldn't keep Jax from Brenda forever, he opened the door to let him in.

"Make it quick."

"Sure," Jax retorted sarcastically.

Brenda saw Jax appear in the doorway of the bedroom and she turned the television off. "Jax, what are you doing here?"

"I didn't get to talk to you last night when you came home," he smiled warmly, taking a seat on the bed next to her. His eyes studied her injured shoulder again. "Sonny said you were shot. What happened?"

"We got cornered by Luis's men; off the road in some woods; and they were just firing at anything. They happened to hit me."

"And Alcazar?" he treaded carefully.

Brenda's face set in a mask of acceptance. "I shot him. I didn't plan on it. He was just going to kill Jason right in front of me. I couldn't just sit there and let him."

"It's all right," he murmured, just as equally to her as to himself. He took a breath and decided to change the subject. "Guess what. Your cottage is still on the market; I went in and bought it before any potential buyers could take it."

"You bought my cottage?" she smiled.

"It's yours; you should have it," he nodded, taking her hand. "And when you're well enough to move around, you can go home and I'll make you a homemade meal."

Brenda's smile slowed and she warily said, "_You'll_ make me a meal?"

"Yeah," he grinned. "Just the two of us."

" 'The two of us.' What about Skye…?"

His smile faded at the thought of her, his anger still fresh. "Skye has known for a while that you weren't sick. And I have my suspicions that she informed Alcazar you were at that restaurant the night you were shot at."

"Wow," Brenda murmured, unsure how to deal with that. A woman she didn't even know hated her, and would probably like to see her dead. It was hard to understand.

"We're not together anymore," Jax went on. "We're getting a divorce."

When she met his eyes, she knew then what he meant. Knew what he expected of her. And her memories of their past life together were still so vibrant in her mind. But she couldn't say anything and she knew why.

"I'm kind of tired," she reported suddenly and he immediately stood.

"I'm sorry; you should rest then."

He said his polite goodbye and she settled into the pillow at her back. She wasn't dying. It had taken her all night to wrap her mind around it but she knew Jax was thorough and would have made sure he was right before telling her. Living meant she could do anything now; go anywhere, be anything.

And it meant free to be with anyone, she supposed. Jax had just opened the door to himself moments ago but an edge of doubt had crept into her heart when he spoke of them together.

She heard footsteps upstairs and anxiously looked over to the doorway as Jason past. "Jason!" she called to stop him and he slowed, coming back to the door. He waited, a blank expression on his face now, and she wondered when she had figured out that it was a defense mechanism he used to keep himself detached.

It was because of Jason, she realized as to why she was wary with Jax. She loved her cottage but she didn't want to live there alone; she wanted Jason there with her. Of course, that would be a task. Especially since he hated the place. Remembering he hated her cottage, filled with things that were special to her, only made her recollect how he had hated _her_ as well, until only recently. He had taken her away and taken care of her, thinking she was dying and giving his sympathies. But that was gone; she was just Brenda now. And Old Jason hated Just Brenda.

"Never mind," she murmured, noting his impatient expression after she had paused too long. He was gone as quick as that and again, she slumped into her pillows. She was going to live. The world was completely open to her every whim. And she loved a man who hated her.

Brenda glanced at the bedside clock – it was past 11pm and she was tired. She turned the TV off and listened closely for movement. Jason had been downstairs all day; he hadn't stayed with her, he only brought her food and such. The night before, he slept downstairs but she assumed that was because she was in such bad shape when they arrived. She was much better now but he still hadn't appeared. Did he plan to leave his bed for her the whole time?

"Jason?" she called, planning to think up some phony reason to get him upstairs. His footsteps filled the hallway and he appeared in the door.

"What is it?"

"Could I have some more aspirin? My shoulder is starting to hurt again."

He got the bottle and some water, bringing it to her.

"So what are you doing down there?" she casually asked as he handed her the pills.

"Work."

"I guess you're not going to bed anytime soon," she went on. "I mean, you can, if you want. If you want me to move back to the guest room, I can; if I'm in the way. I don't want to take your bed from you."

Jason looked at her for a moment before closing the bottle. "You shouldn't be moving with your shoulder."

"I don't want to be in the way," she said simply.

He took a breath. "You're not."

Leaving the room without another word, Jason returned downstairs. _Keep busy with work_, he thought to himself. _Don't think about her._ But he couldn't help it. His mind wandered. _She's already dying to get out of your bed_, he thought. _She'll be moving out soon. Well, it's for the best._ If Sonny found out anything about how he felt about Brenda, of all people, there would be trouble. And his friendship with Sonny was the most important thing to him. At least, that's what he thought before he started imagining himself and Brenda in Europe. Or anywhere other than Port Charles. He knew coming back would change things and he had feared she wouldn't care about him once she was back around Sonny and Jax. It seemed his apprehensions had come true. And she would be gone in no time, leaving only these feelings that she had stirred up in her wake.

Days of awkward passing followed in the Morgan penthouse and Brenda's shoulder began to heal. It was strange and quiet in the house, like when she had first moved in but much worse; then they had fought. Now, they hardly spoke.

Brenda sat gingerly upon the couch after a week had passed when there was a gentle knock. She rose and opened the door to find Jax.

"Why are you answering the door?" he asked, immediately.

"Well, hello too," she remarked, letting him in.

"You shouldn't be moving so much."

"It has gotten much better."

"I think you're lying," he replied.

"I think I'm on good painkillers," she smiled and he nodded.

Jason descended the stairs when he had heard voices and saw the two. Jax ignored him and faced Brenda.

"The house is cleared and ready for you to move in," he grinned.

"My cottage?"

"Yeah, we can move you today if you feel up to it."

Brenda paused as Jason seemed to stroll to his desk for some papers, acting as though he were not involved in their conversation.

"Well…" she hesitated, then said clearly enough for him to hear. "I guess there's no reason I _shouldn't_ move…"

Jason didn't budge as he appeared to read over the account book.

She added, with finality, "…is there?"

"No," Jax laughed at the obviousness of it. She smiled politely at him then nodded once.

"Okay."

He turned, heading up the stairs to help her pack and she looked back at Jason only once to see he hadn't so much as glanced her direction. With that, she followed Jax to go pack.

"So Brenda's moving out?" Sonny asked. Jason had retreated to Sonny's place as Jax and Brenda packed her things. He nodded to Sonny silently who observed his good friend.

"I bet you're glad to be rid of her," Sonny murmured absently, pouring himself a drink. Jason didn't answer exactly but Sonny knew his friend hated Brenda and would be happy she was out of his life.

"Everything with Alcazar has been taken care of," Sonny went on, talking business. "Your tracks have been covered; you were never in the islands. If anyone asks, you and your wife were alone, honeymooning in Europe."

Jason sat on the couch, rubbing his temple with his hand. Honeymooning. Europe. It was as if Sonny was deliberately saying things that had real relevance.

Sonny took the seat next to him and sipped his drink. "So. Brenda really shot Alcazar."

"Yeah."

"I'm surprised she pulled the trigger."

Jason gazed off as he thought of it. "She said she couldn't let him kill me."

Sonny's eyes darted over to his friend. "So she did it for you."

He heard the questioning tone in Sonny's voice immediately, knowing the man for so long and able to read him. Jason shrugged noncommittally. "Alcazar had a gun to my head; anyone would shoot at him."

"Not anyone," Sonny looked off. "Not Brenda. Not unless pushed to the edge."

"We were running for our lives," he agreed.

"Or unless it was someone she really cared about," Sonny added. Jason didn't move and Sonny concluded, "She _must_ have been pushed to her breaking point."

Jason released the breath he didn't realize he had been holding. Sonny didn't suspect anything. Thank God.

"Anyway, Alcazar is cleaned up but we still have to watch for his associates with any possible retaliation."

"I'll have some people monitor any likely suspects," Jason nodded as Sonny stood.

"Well. I'm going to meet with Melis. And cheer up: Brenda will be soon out of your place."

Jason nodded as Sonny left, then, when he was alone, buried his head in his hands with a heavy sigh.

…


	12. Kissing In the Rain

I'm on a roll, eh? I'm writing only because you guys are giving me the feedback (and _telling_ me to write, basically). Thank you so much for your continued support. Now… let's see where our little bunnies will go.

****

Kissing In the Rain

Brenda looked upon her fully furnished cottage, restored as though she were there yesterday. Jax had done all of it and she thanked him profusely, asking if she could repay him in some way. He had told her seeing her happy again was enough.

And he had gazed down at her as he always had, lovingly and tender, and she remembered why she fell in love with such a generous man. But before he could move an inch, she had avoided him again and said she was exhausted. He asked if he could stay, to help her because she was only using one arm, but she insisted he didn't. It wasn't even about him, completely; she wanted the time alone.

And now as she stood in the silent cottage by herself, she thought back only hours ago when she left the penthouse.

He hadn't said anything. When he finally returned from Sonny's, she was finished packing and walking to the elevator. She had quietly told him "thank you" for taking care of her. He nodded, accepting the appreciation, then heading inside without a word.

Brenda sighed as she sat carefully at her desk. She wouldn't be able to dwell on how she felt about Jason. She would have to keep moving. She had a life to think about now. Not that that was not what she was thinking about when she was with Jason; it was all she had thought about – what they would do or where they would go. It was why she hadn't thought of her "illness". She was too busy thinking about her life with him. And now that the possibility of a life was possible, the harsh reality that he didn't want her washed over her like a cold wave.

She blinked absently as tears slid down her calm face. She had never felt so rejected. It was a horrible, numbing feeling. And it felt there to stay.

"Jason, you have to take me out," Carly insisted, turning him to the direction upstairs. "Go change; we're going to my old club."

"I thought you had a new club," he retorted, just learning everything recently of that which had gone on in his and Brenda's absence.

"Yeah, well, it's not finished yet. So Sonny is out on business and I am _dying_ to go out tonight so you have to take me."

"Carly, I really don't feel like it," he muttered.

"You don't feel like doing much of anything these days, do you?" she replied, setting her hands on her hips.

He didn't want to ask because Carly could go on and on but she was standing there, _waiting_ to be asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you've been since you got back. You never leave your penthouse; you're always holed up in here unless Sonny specifically asks you to go do something. You used to like riding your bike. Or at least going out for a walk or something. But now you don't want to do anything. So what is it? What's wrong?"

Jason took a deep breath. He honestly didn't think anyone had noticed. It had been weeks since Brenda left and Carly was right, he didn't leave his house much. He worked as much as he could. And when he couldn't do that, he'd use his gym room or anything to make the time go by faster. It was at night that it was worst. The first few days, he could still smell her in his bed sheets and it drove him crazy. He did everything he could not to think about her.

"Come on, Jason. A night out will do you good – it will make you feel better."

"No, it won't," he said, reminding her of the fact that he hated things like nightclubs.

"Then go for me! We haven't spent any time together at all. I just want to go out. Please!"

He looked at her begging and knew she wouldn't stop until she got her way.

"Are you sure I don't look ridiculous?" Brenda asked as she and Jax sat at the small table, referring to the nude colored bandage on her shoulder. She was wearing a dress that showed some of the bandage and she was self-conscious about it.

"You look beautiful," Jax replied. "I can hardly see it."

She gave him a grateful smile then read through the menu. She didn't really want to come out tonight but Jax had made her. He had been helping her around her cottage and she had successfully avoided his romantic inclinations to her. She felt tonight she would have to tell him, though, since this was, essentially, a date. She had naturally gravitated to him because he accepted her. In place of the cold rejection she had felt, he gave unapologetic love. It was only natural to want that kind of acceptance. So she had let him stay near her in the past few weeks and she was getting slightly better about not thinking of _Him_ every other minute.

"I need a drink," Brenda murmured.

"You can't drink because of your meds," he reminded.

"I know, that's why I said it."

Jax smiled sympathetically at her then his eyes flashed to the door, which he faced. "Great," he sarcastically said and she turned.

Jason and Carly had just entered and saw Brenda and Jax looking at them. Carly sneered at the two but Jason's eyes froze on Brenda. He hadn't seen her in weeks and she had on some evening gown that revealed her back and his mind instantly remembered his hand trailing down that soft back.

Brenda saw him look directly to the ground, his expression blank, and Carly led him into the club. When Brenda turned to face forward, Jax leaned in.

"Do you want to leave?"

"No. Why would I?"

"I'm not much of a fan of Carly either, you know."

"It's fine."

Jax glanced at the two taking a table across the club. "Have you gotten that bogus marriage from Jason annulled yet?"

"Not yet," she murmured, still keeping her eyes glued to the menu.

"I can have my lawyers draw up the papers for you."

"I should probably tell Jason if I was going to do something like that," she replied.

"Then tell him," he shrugged. She looked up to see him waiting.

"Right now?"

"Why not?"

Brenda paused then replied, "Okay." She stood, and headed over to their table. When Carly caught sight of her, she sneered at the petite brunette again.

"What do you want?"

"Jason, could I talk to you for a second?" she ignored Carly and Jason stood.

They moved to a quiet hall of the club as she fidgeted with her small purse. "Listen, we might as well get the whole 'marriage' thing over with. Jax said he could get one of his lawyers to organize an annulment so we can just do it that way." She got through it all quickly because it was awkward and looking into his eyes, she felt like she _shouldn't_ be saying she wanted to cut the only connection she had with him.

Jason gazed at the ever-astonishing floor again as he carefully spoke. "We actually couldn't get an annulment."

"What do you mean?"

"Annulments are only granted if the marriage hasn't been… consummated."

He had said it to the ground and she knew why. There was no way he could have brought that up, looking into her eyes. Not how things were now. Her stomach flipped over from the nervousness – he seemed so disturbed by that night.

"So it would have to be a divorce," she concluded then made the next step in her mind: then people would know they slept together. That would never have bothered her if it weren't quite so obvious that he still despised her. She couldn't have people know that; it was too humiliating.

"You know what? Why don't we just forget about it. It's a stupid piece of paper; if it doesn't mean anything to you, then it doesn't mean anything to me."

Jason finally met her eyes and carefully nodded. She silently agreed and started to go before he spoke.

"So you're back with Jax."

"No," she honestly replied. "He's just been helping me out. A little."

He nodded and she went on.

"I'm not with him. I mean, I'm obviously _with_ him here tonight but I-…" she stopped, realizing she was rambling and none of it would concern him. "I didn't expect you to be somewhere like this; you would never take _me_ out when I lived with you."

"Yeah, because you had people shooting up the joints," he remarked.

"Are you saying that was my fault? Because it wasn't and you know it."

"I'm saying you were too dangerous to take out."

"Yeah, that's me. Too dangerous to be around," she sarcastically replied. He thought of how she had affected him and knew immediately that she was right. She was too dangerous.

He glanced at the slight bandage he could see on her shoulder and it reminded him of that morning in the jungle. And how she saved his life.

Brenda noticed him eyeing her bandages. "You can see them, can't you?"

"Is it healing okay?"

"It's fine," she dismissed, not telling him about the terrible pain she woke up with every morning. Or the fact that it was that much worse that she was alone in her suffering.

"You're letting an actual doctor look at it – not just taking Jax's word," he nearly scolded.

"I said it's fine!"

"Fine," he muttered, turning to leave.

"Thank you. Don't pretend, now, that you care," she retorted. Jason turned on heel to face her.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What did it _sound_ like the first time you heard it?"

"You know what; forget it. Just go back to your darling Jax."

"Don't do that. Don't act like you know anything about what is going on-"

"I don't _want_ to know!" he snapped.

"Good!"

"Fine!"

Brenda stormed past him as best she could without moving her shoulder. When Jax saw her approaching, upset, he stood. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to stay. Let's go."

She started out and he grabbed his coat. Casting one glance back to see Jason step out of the hallway, closely watching her leave, Jax turned to exit as well.

"Are you sure you don't need me to stay?" Jax asked as Brenda gently shook her head no. They lounged on her couch before the warm fire, safe at her cottage, and had been talking all evening. She missed having a friend to talk to.

Jax gave her a slow smile then carefully said, "Brenda, why don't you want me around?"

"I do, Jax-"

"No, you know what I mean." He paused and added for the first time since she had come back into his life, "I love you."

Brenda didn't know what to say to him. She felt the nagging doubt in her stomach at his declaration and knew she had to tell him the truth but couldn't tell him the whole truth.

"I love you too, Jax. You're a huge part of my life."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I can't… I can't really be with anyone right now."

"What is stopping you?" She glanced off, thinking of Jason and his stupid fights with her. "Or who, I should ask," Jax threw in with an edge of anger upon his tone.

Her head shot over to him. "What are you talking about?"

"Is it Sonny still?"

She sighed, "No."

"Then why don't you want to be with me? I can see you're not happy. I would do anything to make you happy. I want to give you everything; do anything you want. I'll take you away from Port Charles. We can go to Europe, Australia, wherever you want to go. I can see you're unhappy here, Brenda. I can take you away from whatever is making you unhappy."

His words hypnotized her and the thought of releasing the pain she had carried for the past few weeks appealed to her in a very deep way. Jax took her hands in his - his warm, safe hands.

"Let me take you away from your unhappiness."

Slowly, she nodded. He grinned and said, "When your arm heals, we'll be out of Port Charles."

"When my arm heals," she repeated in agreement. Jax trailed a hand down the side of her face and stood, kissing her temple, before heading out to make the plans for their departure.

__

Three Weeks Later

Brenda entered Kelly's Diner with a purpose – she was dying for some kind of drink and a coffee would be a Godsend. Her arm was finally free of sling and all heavy bandaging. The doctor said she had healed very well and he gave her the green light to go back to normal life (just not to do any cartwheels anytime soon).

A girl at the counter looked up at her when she approached and asked for a cup of coffee.

"Sure," the girl answered, getting a to-go cup to pour. "You're Brenda Barrett."

"Yep," she nodded.

"Or I guess it's Brenda Barrett-Morgan."

Brenda didn't respond. She had successfully not thought of Jason for the last twenty minutes, which was a record for her. The waitress had ruined it.

"I'm sorry," the girl went on for her intrusiveness. "I know Jason. We used to be friends."

"Okay."

"What's it like being married to him?"

"I wouldn't recommend it," Brenda remarked and the girl snickered.

"You don't have to tell me."

Brenda glanced at the name tag and saw 'Liz' written on it. Her eyes were then drawn to a man coming down the stairs. He approached the counter and Liz went to meet him as he leaned over and kissed her cheek, sweetly.

"I'll be back in a while. Sonny and I have meetings all day."

Liz smiled, wiping the slight color her lipstick had put on his cheek away. "Be good, Mr.Lansing."

He smiled and left. Liz seemed to remember she had a customer and she blushed slightly when she saw Brenda waiting.

"I'm so sorry. That'll be a dollar for the coffee."

Brenda fished in her pockets as she asked, "Husband?"

"No," Liz laughed, blushing even more.

She handed the money over with a smile then took her coffee. "Well. Good luck." With a business associate of Sonny's, that girl would need it.

Brenda knew she had to hurry home and pack. Her flight was in only a few hours. Jax promised to take her to Sydney first and from there it was anywhere.

She left the diner only to freeze directly outside of it. Jason was coming from near the docks and he stopped as well. 

She started to walk away without a word and he sighed until she turned abruptly to speak. "I don't know if this will affect you or anything because of the marriage but I'm leaving tonight."

"Where are you going."

"Sydney. Then probably Europe."

"Jax is taking you."

She held her ground as she nodded briskly under his watchful eyes.

"I guess you finally got everything you wanted," he said. She looked up at him, finding she couldn't read the blankness he was so good at showing. "So how long is the trip going to be?"

Brenda heard the words coming out of her mouth even before she had thought of it. "I'm not coming back."

His reaction was subtle but real. His brow furrowed with confusion – as though wondering why she would leave forever – and curiosity.

"It sounds like you're running."

"What's wrong with that." She didn't see the problem with leaving behind a heartache and running from it.

He stared at her a good long time. He hadn't expected that answer. He didn't know why he even said it. If she were in love with Jax, why would she need to run from Port Charles? He would have thought 'Sonny' if she hadn't been looking at him like she was: so wounded and angry.

Brenda exhaled with finality and murmured only, "Bye", then left him standing alone.

Jason couldn't stop pacing in his apartment. He had some people keep tabs on the airport and Jax's private jet was being prepared. He was sure they would be gone in an hour.

She would leave; she really would run away. He knew Brenda and she avoided her problems. And Jax would keep her pacified for the rest of their lives with his money and gifts and whatever else if he had the chance.

Jason was so angry at her for doing this to him. He clenched his head between his hands, cursing himself and her for this mess. But he had a feeling of dread at the thought of her being gone forever. He hated himself for needing her and he hated her for making him feel this way. He knew he would never be all right if she left him that night, though.

He stopped his pacing and grabbed his jacket, heading straight out the door.

Brenda zipped up her carry-on bag and looked at her suitcases, lined up near the door. She looked over her perfect cottage, which she had just gotten settled into, and that which she would be forced to leave. Jax had promised he would find her another one just like it, anywhere in the world. But there would never be one just like it.

She glanced at her watch, hearing the rain begin to pour outside. Jax would be by soon to pick her up. Then she would be gone. And Port Charles – and everyone in it would be a memory.

She snickered to herself. She didn't know whom she was fooling; she had tried to run from her feelings and the people she loved once and it only took a few years before the need to see them had overwhelmed her. Why wouldn't it be the same with Jason? It would probably even be sooner. _But it is different this time_, she told herself. _This time I have someone I love dearly, albeit, not **in** love with as a companion. I never loved Luis and therefore could only think about the ones that I did love while I was away_. She knew her heart would never let her forget about the one that was actually in love with. But she had to at least try.

Brenda slowly strolled through the house, nearing the back when a knock came at the door. She started to get it then heard the voice calling through.

"Brenda!" Jason said, pounding again at the door.

She pasted herself against the side wall so she could not be seen by the windows next to the door. He was so upset and angry; she could hear it in his voice. But she was afraid of what he might say – would he tell her he hated her as a parting gift? She had no idea why he would be pounding on her door at that hour, in the pouring rain.

"Brenda, the lights are on. I know you're there," he called through. "Open the door!"

She stood silently, waiting on egg shells to hear more from him, but unable to face him.

Jason felt the freezing rain coating him as he stood pounding at her door (which, as he had already tried, was locked). He was leaning against it, the closest he could get. "Brenda, listen to me: Don't run away. Don't leave."

There was silence from inside and he hit the door again, backing away. "You can't just leave! You can't run away because whatever it is you're running from will catch up to you."

Still there was no response and his fury was so near the surface he could barely see straight. "Don't you remember what you told me?? You said I was the _only one_! How could you say that and then drop me the first chance you got?? And you can move on to whomever you like without blinking an eye while I have to live with what you said. I hate that you said that to me! I hate how you look at me. And I **hate** that I love you!"

Jason grabbed the first thing he could find which was a potted plant and smashed it to the ground.

The front door opened just as suddenly and he turned to see her staring at him in amazement. She was away from the door in an instant and rushing into him, her arms wrapping around him fully. He felt like a wave of warmth had been blessed onto him and he held her tightly back.

He couldn't let go of her. He didn't know if he ever would be able to because it was the most remarkable feeling to have her so openly holding onto him.

"You kicked me out of your penthouse," she said as she faced him.

"I didn't kick you out – you left."

"You didn't stop me."

"I thought you wanted to go with Jax."

"I never said I did; what, you just assumed-"

"Shut up," he murmured, taking her face in his hands and pulling her forward to him, as he had been dreaming of doing for so long. Through the cold rain that now drenched them both, their warm mouths met. It warmed her completely through to be kissed by him. She wanted more and kissed back just as heavily as was given.

The sound of a car approaching suddenly jolted her back to reality and they looked to see Jax stepping out of his car, his face painted in pain and shock at the sight of the two together.

…


	13. The End

My sincere apologies, everyone. I've decided to stop writing this fic. Primarily because Vanessa is leaving GH and I've lost interest in the show entirely because of it. I watched only when she returned and I'll stop when she leaves. It was nice when she was on and Brazen had a chance but there is none now so I've lost any inspiration I had.

Thank you for reading so diligently. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Sincerely,

Niki


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